till i get back

If These Walls Could Talk// 12:00am

we'd fall from grace,
we're fallin

my hands gripped the sheets tightly as i tried to slow my breathing.

i felt my heart pounding in my chest.

i head every thump.

sweat trickled down my face.

it was just a dream

but the thing is, its real.

its a living nightmare; day and night and i can never escape its grasp on me.

i cant let it go because its chains will forever hold me down and people might say there are ways to cope but this will latch onto your mind, staying there forever; you could never block it out long enough to hear the world and see reality because these vivd images can get mixed up with things in the real world and it drives you insan-

...

my knuckles turned white, the muscles in the fingers were strained and tight against the soft fabric.

my hands were damaging something soft.

i hurt something.

these dreams are my memories that i cant stop reliving over and over and over . .

i wish it would stop.

unable to calm down, i fling the sweat covers off, setting my bare feet on the wooden floor. i walked over to the door, feeling a cool breeze relax my muscles.

i quietly open the door and stepped out, heading down the narrow hallway to the back patio.

sliding the glass door open, the cool night wind fills my lungs.

i feel free.

i walk to the very edge of the deck and sit down, my legs dangling a few feet from the ground.

the wood is cool against my legs.

the moon is soft on my skin.

the breeze lowers my hot temperature.

everything outside is calm.

how i want to be but my skies are filled with raging storms and beating sun rays with devastating tornadoes and high waves of anxiety.

sometimes the waters calm to a minimum but they are irritated again and begin to stir wilder.

as the breeze shifted my air and my closed lightly, i heard the sliding door close.

i snap my head over my shoulder ready to pounce on someone.

but i come to disappointment as its the same boy from the cafeteria that was from the bathroom.

i sigh and roll my eyes as he walks over and sits somewhat next to me.

"so why you out here ? " he asks his voice filling the still air.