till i get back

Moving Along // 7.13pm

thinking bout you
lots lately

i had made a bad reputation with the workers. everyone despised me.

everyday id argue and fight with them which would earn me a slap in the face.

everyday i hung out with her.

she told me to wear makeup. so i did. she said i was pretty. she said she didnt mean what happened the first day. so i believed her. she told me to not eat as much. so i didnt. she told me to stop picking at my nails. so i did. she told me that id never be good enough with that frown on my face. so i forced a smile.

everyday.

everyday until she started to show more physical affection. she held my hand and hugged me more and more like i was actually achieving something.

then there's the bad days. the dark days. those are the days where I've objected to something she's told me to do. she gets upset, screams at me.

she says thats she's just trying to help me. thats she's trying to improve me as a person. and that if im not willing to let her help me, im a lost cause.

i apologize, she ignores me. sometimes i'll apologize multiple times. others...i just wait it out. the only way the cycle of anger comes to an end is when she decides to quit ignoring me. and this can only be on her terms.

usually i know she's not upset anymore because she'll approach me out of the blue and make a casual comment on what im wearing. most of the time she just says my top is ugly, then plops down next to me wherever im sitting. there, and done. she's forgiven me.

She's my only friend...

so i try to keep her happy. do what she she wants, says, eat, don't eat. its up to her.

"where do you want to eat?" shelby asks without looking up from scrolling through her phone. she never really payed attention to me since she was always on her phone or criticizing what i was doing.

she wiggles the foot that's currently sprawled across my lap.

we've been laying in my bed since she burst into my room about an hour ago, complaining about her roommate. my roommate, who's been glaring at us every time we hang out in here, stormed out as soon as shelby started talking about the dirty clothes her roommate leaves on the floor.

"i say we should get sushi." shelby states, answering her own question.

uh, sushi. the first time i tried that killer shit was in third grade. turns out that im highly allergic to almost all types of fish. my whole body ended up breaking out in hives and my throat closed up.

"well," i start tentatively, afraid I'll upset her, "i'm actually allergic- "

she cuts me off with a sharp glare over her phone,

"did i say you had to get some? if you don't want any, don't get any."

i bite my lip, not saying anything else.

she flings her leg over the edge of the bed off of my leg, and starts to walk over to the door.

"ill get you something," she says with a curt nod then leaves.

i would be somewhat gracious at the offer but considering its from her, i shouldnt be.

she's probably getting me a granola bar or some healthy drink that tastes like ass.

its only 5 minutes, and she returns with a box of sushi for herself and hands me a box which contains a salad - fucking perfect

i felt nauseous at the site of it.

i tentatively stir around the green leaves with my plastic fork before taking a small nibble.

"whats the problem?"

it sounded more like a barked demand than a concerned question.

"nothing-"

before she can reply i get up and walk to the bathroom. i lock the door behind me.
the smell followed me in the bathroom and i couldnt help but gag.

i rinsed my face with water and looked at myself in the mirror.

its fine. your fine.

i walked out of the bathroom, sitting on my bed and taking a bite of the salad.

there were little white pieces in it but i didnt think much of it.

probably an exotic vegetable

shelby just gives me a long glance before returning to her phone and sushi.

i feel my heart beat inside my head. i hear waves crash against the shore.

i stab a leaf and a white piece and brung t to my lips.

i nearly swallowed, confused at the odd taste, realized it was more than an exotic vegetable.

i coughed it out, managing to fling it 5 feet away from me and dropped the salad on the floor.

shelby gives me an ounce of her attention, looking over and sitting up.

"whats wrong?" she asks half concerned.

i can only cough and heave. words came out as strangled breaths.

"ill go get someone"

she half jogs out of the room as im still struggling to breath.

im half laying in the floor, leaning on the bed.

i feel sweat trickle down my face, my sweater scratching my skin.

my vision kept blurring, going in and out of consciousness.

i saw someone open the door which im guessing was a worker right before i fell into darkness.

i saw the fake concern on shelby's face.

i saw the fake panic.

i swam in an ocean of darkness. it kept pulling me under, i couldnt keep above the waves.

my muscles were tired and weak and i couldnt hold on much longer.

i involuntarily swallowed gulps of water causing me to cough and gulp even more water.

the water was slowly poisoning me, my lungs burned, and my head felt full.

i relinquished all of my strength and let myself float down, down, down.

taking one last gulp, my lungs finally burst and my muscles limp.

then air hit my face at full speed and i gasped awake, relief flooding me as i felt cool air and not dark water.