You're my Hanahaki Flower - Jeon Jungkook

¤ 18 ¤

¤ Tell me why you are so far away? Why can't I see myself in your eyes anymore?  ¤

"He was crying you know? It's the first time I've seen him so miserable." Hyeri stressed with a pained expression as the realization of what was wrong finally hit her. 

"I knew he would cry." Hyeri looked at me shocked and I knew she had expected me to be very worried right now but, I was far from that. "He always openly cries when he feels miserable, sad or happy. Everyone thinks of him as a tough kid but, he's actually quite sensitive and soft on the inside."

"Then why?" Hyeri exclaimed in disbelieve once again asking me that simple yet deep question.

"Why I didn't talk to him?" It was obvious what she was aiming at but the poor girl didn't realize, she wouldn't achieve what she wanted to with me. "Because everyone cries at certain points in their lives. I've seen him cry various times in the past and he only grew stronger from that. And so it will be now too, he'll cry, learn from it, and grow stronger. We all will."

"How can you be so calm and...even cold - if I could even call your stoïcness that - like this towards your lifelong friend?" Hyeri seemed to have given up on a reasonable and kind approach, as her true inner feelings finally showed. "Could you even call yourself his friend like this?"

Little did she realize that every single word she had used in that one sentence, broke down everything she had achieved with me so far. Every single one of those words hit me deeper and harder than she would know.

"Calm? Far from that, I fear for him more than I would fear my life. Cold? You don't know how that breaks me on the inside, so many times. Lifelong friend? You out of all people had to use the title that I hate the most."

Although she had turned silent after her outburst, she didn't seem to notice the mood change in me, "I'm sorry to say this Hyeri but you're are nowhere near a position to come talk to me. Especially not about what's between me and him. Nor to describe how you see my behavior and insult me with it."

Shocked Hyeri finally looked at me whilst opening her mouth and closing it again uncomfortably. It seemed that she finally noticed how the way I looked at her, had changed.  

"To you, it only seems like a mistake he made but that also means you don't understand the slightest bit of what is going on. You don't know the depth of the whole situation. This situation is not one where you can ask me to simply forgive him, and belittle it as a normal fight between friends. Someone who only knows the Jungkook on the surface, someone who comes to me without even talking to him first, doesn't have any right to ask me if I am truly a friend. "

"Mimosa, I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that..." Hyeri stammered clearly remorseful of her words from before, but I only raised my hands to silence her.

"Please, from now on refrain from these half-hearted attempts without even being able to grasp the depth of the situation. Jungkook and I have known each other for ages, and certain things can't happen without having a deeper effect. You're a nice girl Hyeri - and I don't hate you - so don't take it personally but knowing him for a few months suddenly won't make you a good peacemaker."

I knew she was deeply hurt by my words, shocked too because she didn't expect them but I didn't care. If she had left it at asking for clarification about my behavior, I wouldn't have minded. But I wouldn't let her question the friendship between Jungkook and me, no matter how shitty I treated him right now. Especially because I was clearly aware of the fact, that I wasn't exactly a role model friend right now. 

I was about to leave her there at the table with shocked and hurt feelings when something came to my mind. The words - whom I knew wouldn't give me any satisfaction, slipped my lips before I knew it.

"Also, if you had put this much effort between you and Hoseok, you might've achieved something more than just greeting each other in the morning."

I could hear her gasp visibly but before she could say anything, I had disappeared inside already.

Weirdly said I felt even more restless than before. By telling me things I didn't need to know, she had taken away the numb feeling that had gradually taken a place inside me. Leaving the raw and painful feelings in the open again.

Even if she's the one that Jungkook likes, it doesn't make her important enough to try and mend things between us. Not yet at least. Especially when she was part of the reason that I didn't talk to Jungkook. Not that I would blame her, because no one chooses who they fall in love with. 

I just hoped she came out of her own initiative - because that's the type of nice girls she is, but if she had been sent by one of the others. I might soon have to have a talk with them too. I don't need seven other TED talk's. 

On my way back to class suddenly a figure appeared in front of me after having stayed hidden behind a wall.

"Not you too Jimin," I immediately sighed,  as I was too tired for two confrontations in one day. "I just talked to Hyeri."

"I know, but you didn't let her finish properly." Jimin shook his head with disdain.

"For me, it was finished." I couldn't help but sound very curt and short. I was really getting tired of all of them continuously approaching me. "If you don't mind me, I'm going back to class now."

"He doesn't have much time left, Mimi." Jimins soft but warning voice made me stop in my tracks, and everything inside me twisted around as an anxious feeling overtook me. "It's worsening with the second."

"It's his decision to get it removed or not." I could help but sound extremely bitter, yet at that moment I didn't care whether Jimin heard it or not. "He wasn't motivated to do anything about it from the beginning anyway. All he has been doing is running away like a coward."

"I don't think you should call someone else a coward. You can't even face yourself properly, how do you expect others to do so?"

Jimins words touched a sensitive spot I hadn't dared thinking about and instead of getting irritated, I could only agree with him.

"Afterall I'm the biggest liar and coward of us all."

I was about to leave because the exchanged words left a bad taste between me and Jimin. A taste that made staying in his presence very uncomfortable but he asked me a confronting question, which I myself had not even questioned yet.

"Mimi," Jimins voice was gentle and carefully again when he dropped the question. "Has Jungkook ever directly told you that the one he likes is Hyeri?"