You're my Hanahaki Flower - Jeon Jungkook

¤ 6 ¤

¤ Don't you understand that little secrets grow up to be big lies? ¤

• That night •

"Mimosa, are you still awake?" A soft knock was heard on my bedroom door before my mom's head popped up around the corner.

After I came home - and realized that both my parents and brother were home, I tried to act as normal as I could, despite my anger and disappointment towards Jungkook.

Of course, my mother would see through me like a bubble. She's the type to carefully observe and then approach the person. A method she always applied to her children, when they are down or angry.

"I brought you a cup of tea." Mom said, ignoring the fact that I was laying on my bed, with my textbook covering my face.

Although I was able to stay positive in front of my family when I started working on my homework, I couldn't focus and my thoughts drifted off to the darker parts of my mind.

Parts with thoughts so dark, I didn't dare acknowledge it existed. Parts where thoughts like "What if Jungkooks love fails?",  daily swirled around. Thoughts I hated but thoughts I didn't have any control over.

"Did you want something to eat too?" Mom asked, placing the platter with tea on the table, and taking a seat on my bed.

"No mom, thank you." My voice sounded muffled from underneath the book and I tried sitting up to face her.

"What is bothering you, dear?" My mom asked giving me a gentle smile just to make me feel comfortable.

"A lot," I grumbled, grabbing my cup in the meantime, "School, life, people."

"And today?" I knew mom was persistent - just like me, and that she wouldn't give up until she reassured - or helped me a bit, "Is it a specific thing?"

"Nothing in particular mom." This time I was determined to not let out a lot, but as if a savior heard my call, my phone started buzzing.

"Oh?" Mom looked at the phone curiously although she knew the few people that would call me by heart.

"It's a call from..." I had to swallow a bit, as I saw the name on my lock screen and gave her an apologetic look, "Jungkook, you know he won't stop calling until I pick up."

"Alright, you take that call." Mom stood up and quickly pressed a kiss on my forehead before she left the room.

My screen showed me that Jungkook was calling me trough FaceTime, but I refused today and instead accepted it as a normal call.

"Hello?" I asked, not able to conceal the flatness of my voice.

"Hey, Mimi!" Jungkook sounded abnormally cheerful, and I knew he noticed something was wrong with my voice too, "Why did you not pick up FaceTime?"

"Not in the mood today," I mumbled, playing with a loose thread on my blanket.

"O-oh..." Jungkook was clearly taken aback by my answer because usually even if I was tired I would just hum along with his rambling and never deny facetime. "That can happen."

The call fell silent, and I knew Jungkook was racking his brain to either bring up what had happened at school that day or to find a topic we could talk about.

Usually - with my cooperation, the call would flow naturally, as we could talk about a lot of nothings endlessly, but that was only if I talked.

Jungkook was the type to quickly turn silent and awkward if there was no response from the other person. He would just sit there overthinking how to solve this silence, most probably biting his lip with an troubled expression.

"Soo..." Jungkook spoke up after a solid 5 minutes, where neither of us hangs up the call nor talked, "About what happened after school..."

"Did something happen?" My voice was sharp, and by the sigh, Jungkook let out, I knew he had figured out what was wrong, "I thought you went home early, because of a canceled class."

"Why do you sound so mad Mimi?" Jungkooks voice sounded soft but also somewhat tired.

"I'm not mad at you Jungkook." I stated, and I clearly knew that was the only truth in this talk.

"Then, what are you?" Jungkooks tone rose, and he was getting slightly frustrated because he couldn't figure me out at this point. "Since there's clearly something wrong."

"Hurt." As I stated that calmly, I knew it was as honest as I could be with him.

I wasn't only hurt by today, I was hurt by him, hurt by my own feelings, hurt by how unfair everything was. Hurt by the fact that I could never reach him, hurt because I was not what could save him.

"Who told you something?" Jungkook sighed, still not fully telling me the truth.

"What does that matter?" I snapped back, a frown slowly making it's way to my forehead. I had expected him to at least feel a bit remorseful but instead, he sounded irritated at me. 

"Because, why would you trust that person over me?" Jungkook retorted with equal frustration.

"Because, that person is your friend, who supports your love!" I made sure I didn't raise my voice above a certain level - just to not alarm my parents and brother, but I was about to turn really snappy and angry. "Why would he lie? He has something better to do with his life, than that! Unlike you obviously."

"So you're trusting him over me?" Jungkook questioned again and it didn't sit well with me that he was so persistent about that. Instead of explaining himself - forget the apology, he was pressed over me talking with one of his friends. 

"Why are you so pressed on that?" I asked, not able to comprehend his train of thoughts, "What's important right now is, that you lied to me and don't have the guts to admit it, nor do you want to deny it."

"It was a white lie, Mimosa." I knew Jungkook was getting really irritated since he used my full name in such a serious manner, but I didn't care. He lied to me - without having a reason to, and I couldn't and wouldn't take that.

"White lies turn in to broken relationships, Jungkook." I perfectly mimicked his tone of voice, "And you had no reason to lie to me. "

"I thought you would be hurt." Jungkooks voice turned a bit gentle and remorseful, "Because I couldn't walk home with you."

"I'm far more hurt by you lying to me, especially with the continuous support I gave you in everything," I replied stoïcly, suddenly feeling too tired to prolong this conversation, "But you do not seem to understand that, goodnight Jungkook."

Without giving him a chance to reply, I finished the call and put my phone on silent. It could go two ways with Jungkook, either he would call me repeatedly until I picked up or, he would give me space, think things through by himself and either message me in the middle of the night or come to me tomorrow.  

I wanted to risk neither, so I climbed underneath my blanket, and turned off the light on my nightstand.

Getting comfortable on my side, I closed my eyes in hopes of gaining some sleep. Although I knew that might be a luxurious thing to ask for tonight.

"Should I save the you who is wandering in an endless desert or," My thoughts - betrayed me by drifting off to Jungkook as sleep softly reached for me, "Save the me, that can't get a grip on herself..."