HARDBALL - Jake Paul

.:45:. -Jake Who-

Jakes P.O.V

I dont know who I am anymore.

Done. I dont cry. Especially to my viewers. I dontt cry, especially to my friends. I tear up. And if I do, its one tear, trickling down my cheek only to fall on my knee... And dissappear. My tears never puddled up. I didnt have many. My tears were never drops. They were so tiny. I kept my tears away from those who could bottle them up and pour them on me for later. I lied that it was a good decision. I lied that im fine. I lied that im going to be okay. I lied to everyone.

But I lied to myself.

I told myself that I would'nt be vulnerable to the world. Not today, or tommorow. I told myself that the shower wont fill me up with water only for me to empty the water from myself through my eyes. Sitting with my hands pushing up against my face sitting on my bed alone. I wouldnt do it. I would not show any emotion to anyone. I will not express my feelings. I will not. I refuse. I wont let it happen to me again. I wont walk out the house looking at the sun asking for a rewind. I wont ask for anything. I wont blabber. I wont talk about it. I wont. I wont. I wont.

I failed myself.

I cant sit here and not do anything about it. The light to my heart is gone. To think I say that about everyone... I dont. How do I cope with this? I get models and fuck them. I dont care if anyone hears it or not. I dont even fucking care if the world knows. Everyone knows that im the man slut of this world. To cope with anything, I pleasure myself. Its what fame is used for. Recognition and money. I lie. I move on. Team 10 is dying. Im tired.

I am tired of myself.

I am tired of being stuck in my own mind. I dont want to stay in my mind. I cant leave my mind. I cant move on. Not as easy. I will just play it off. Just like her. I lied to myself and her. We have just been struggling. Welcome to Hollywood Jake. Welcome to reality. How the fuck would it stay together. How the fuck can I stay kid friendly. How can I tell everyone. A new girl walks in to my doors every night. My bed, probably tired of seeing me... If that is even a thing.

Im not dealing with this.

I cope with all my emotions. I do it in the worst possible way. New girls. Every night. My friends, dont mention anything. I am turning into a slut. A manslut. Is that even a thing? I dont know.

I will just go back to adding fresh bottles of tears to my second closet.

Where Erika used to keep her clothes.

Hello fellow readers! Sorry that I was not updating! I just got bored of Jerika and all that stuff. I did come to realize that they broke up and I wanted to end off strong. Thank you for all the support! If you have any suggestions for another book that might have to do . with one of the two or anything, suggest away! Also! Tell me about how you liked the book :p I love reading the comments.