All These Lights

stagefright

It was the day of the first show. Weeks of Astrid's hard work was finally about to pay off and she'd get a small break nightly in the shape of a 2 hour time window where her clients would (for once) be doing most of the work.

At least, that's what she told herself as she stood in a vip box watching fans flood the arena. From where she stood they looked like bees swarming around a hive, eagerly awaiting their queen. She even began to believe in her break when Eret came over the walkie: 

Astrid. You'd better get down here. We've got a situation.

She heaved a sigh and left the box, making for the dressing rooms.

On my way.

She walked through the black curtains dividing the dressing rooms from the catering and was greeted with the sound of Eret's frustrated voice.

"Hiccup, you have to come out. The show starts in forty-five minutes." Eret was banging on a door. When she got closer, Astrid saw the plaque on the door, it read Hiccup Haddock.

"No. I-I can't. I'm sorry."

Snotlout, Tuff, and Fishlegs exchanged glances. "Hiccup," the latter started, "you love our fans don't you? You know that so many of them have come from far away places to see us, we owe them so much and going out to play the show is the least we can do."

"I know that, Fishlegs," Hiccup answered through the door. "But I can't."

"What is going on?" Astrid asked.

"Hiccup has a minor case of stage fright sometimes." Fishlegs said.

"What? Really?" Astrid asked.

"Yeah, comes and goes. We keep telling him to see a doctor because it seems more like anxiety but he refuses." Fishlegs informed.

"He says it's so our fans don't worry but we all know it's actually because there's no telling how his dad'll react." Snotlout finished.

Astrid stood there simply absorbing the information she was getting. For all the boys were growing on her, each passing day the band seemed more and more like a bottomless pit of trauma. Of course, she knew that much of the industry was like that. She would never forgive herself for taking so long to see it in Lady Mala. 

She turned around and put her head in her hands. "How did I not see it?" Astird's head flooded with guilt and regret, she clutched her heart in hopes of making the twisting in her chest dissipate. It was her job to help them rebuild the band. She was so focused on their public image and changing the way even she perceived them that she never once stopped to think about how any of this was affecting them mentally or emotionally. She forgot that she needed to rebuild them as people.

"Astrid, are you okay?" Fishlegs asked gently.

"He's not coming out," Eret said with a huff, joining the group that was now a few feet away from the door.

Astrid wordlessly pushed past the boys to the door. She would fix this somehow. She had to, or nothing would have been worth anything. She'd have let everyone down.

She hesitated a moment before gently knocking on the door, just under the name. "Hiccup? Hiccup it's me. Are you in there?"

"A-Astrid?"

"Yeah, its me. Can I come in ?"

Silence.

The sound of a door unlocking came a moment later.

Astrid walked in and closed the door behind her. She found Hiccup on the floor right next to the door sitting cross-legged. He looked up at her but she could tell his mind was far away. Behind his eyes was a strange calmness, it was eerie. His shirt was wrinkled and his jacket was thrown off to the side, hair tossed and somehow messier then normal.