|| LONGING || EDITTING

|| Chapter Four ||

[ Warning | Self harm ]

"Wow. Wow. That uh... That took my breath away." The M.I.T man started, "Oh, Tony! So generous." He cheered, "So much money! Wow!" Furrowing his brows, he continued, "Out of curiosity... will any portion of that grant be made available to faculty? I know, 'Ooh, gross,' but hear me out. I have got this killer idea for a self - cooking hot dog. Basically, chemical detonator embedded -"

It was clear that Tony wasn't listening to a single word the M.I.T man was saying as he merely pointed in a direction ahead of him, "Restroom's this way, yeah?"

The M.I.T teacher nodded, "Yeah. Embedded in the meat shaft,"

Tony's assistant came dashing out with a worried expression knowing her mistake, she turned to look at her boss as she walked backward, "Mr. Stark, I am so sorry about the teleprompter. I didn't know Miss Potts had canceled. They didn't have time to fix it,"

Tony's eyes fell on his assistant and Arizona noticed his hesitancy to speak, so she did instead, "It's fine. It was a mistake..."

At that, the teenager pulled Tony away from them before shutting the door so they couldn't see that they weren't actually going to the restrooms, they were planning on leaving. Tony looked down at Arizona before nodding, "I don't say this often, but thanks for that,"

Arizona grinned as she shrugged, "Think of me as your teenage bodyguard," Tony shook his head, his lips slightly twitching upward in a small grin and made it seem like he was going to go into the male restrooms before he glanced back at the stage door.

Taking the opportunity, he walked toward the elevator where a woman in sober, black clothes stood, Arizona instantly by the billionaire's side seeing as he was going to leave. Tony stopped beside the woman and turned his back to the wall, the woman in sober black clothes being the first to break the awkward silence, "That was nice, what you did for those young people."

Tony merely shrugged, "Ah, they deserve it. Plus, it helps ease my conscience..."

The woman nodded, "They say there's a correlation between generosity and guilt. But if you've got the money... break as many eggs as you like. Right?"

Tony squinted his eyes for a split second but gave the woman a half smile, Arizona furrowed her brows spotting that the button to go up or down wasn't lit. She pressed it as Tony asked the woman if she was going up, "I'm right where I want to be."

As if her defence mechanism kicked in, Arizona's eyes followed the woman's hand that rummaged through her handbag which caused her to snap and she roughly grabbed the woman's hand with an angry expression, "Hey!" Tony's brows flinched upward in surprise before pulling her away from the woman, Arizona let her go seeing her mistake, "Sorry... I um, I - I'm sorry..." She said, sounding ashamed of herself.

The woman simply shook her head, unphased by Arizona's reaction, "I work for the State Department," They nodded as they listened to what the woman had to say, "Human Resources. I know it's boring... but it enabled me to raise a son. I'm very proud of what he grew up to be," Tony and Arizona glanced each other with a confused look, not understanding why this stranger was telling them about her son but continued to listen anyway. Said woman shoved a photo into Tony's chest, Arizona's eyes whipped to the photo, the green almost burning the photo as she looked at it from behind the woman's dainty fingers, "His name was Charlie Spencer. You murdered him. In Sokovia."

Hearing those words, Tony stared at the woman in shock, Arizona grew a heavy chest, jaw and fists clenched tightly as her guilt felt like an anvil on her shoulders. The memories of what happened in Sokovia destroying her angered state into a distant look, her hands falling free from her fists as she thought back to the day she was able to escape Hydra but also lose someone she cared for, "Not that it matters in the least to you. You think you fight for us. You just fight for yourself." Tony shook his head, too shocked to reply back with words as the Fireball beside him continued to train her eyes on the ground, her fingernails creating crescent moons in her palm, "Who's going to avenge my son, Stark? He's dead... and I blame you," Saying her piece, the woman walked away.

The elevator dinged, notifying the pair it was opening and they shuffled in with silence accompanying them. Tony merely glanced at Arizona, only to check she wasn't hurting herself, but then he saw her fists clenched so he immediately grabbed them and opened them up. She glared daggers at him and when she tried to ball her hands into fists again, Tony raised his brows as he forced them to stay open, "Stop it," He ordered. Seeing her expression darken, he knew she was thinking of Pietro and he continued to hold her hands open with his brown orbs burning her bloodied crescent moons, "Don't think about Sokovia, Arizona. Remember what we talked about?"

But he saw he wasn't getting through to her when he felt her try to clench her fists again and he grabbed both hands tighter, his palms now pressed against her own, "Arizona, stop it!" His voice filled with authority and hidden concern; her eyes were wild, the urge to hurt herself growing to be too strong but Tony shook his head knowing what she was thinking about, "He was not your fault,"

But Arizona didn't believe those four simple words. She couldn't allow herself to believe that it wasn't her fault because it was. Arizona had every memory of that day and if she had pushed Clint and the boy out of the way, Pietro would've have felt the need to save her. She had every other opportunity to change the way she helped Clint but didn't. She assisted in helping Captain America which led to the destruction of Sokovia, yes, they saved over half the population of Sokovia, yet, there were still the occasional homicides people blamed the Avengers for. Pietro's homicide had engraved itself into Arizona's head, one that hardened her to the core, one that made the flames she could create burn a dark fiery orange in grief.

It was her fault he was dead. And because of that, she couldn't believe Tony's four words.

N/A: I will be publishing every Friday. I wouldn't mind some helpful advice but I won't take any nasty criticism for my story because it's still a working progress and I would deeply appreciate it if there was no Plagiarising as I have worked extremely hard in trying to create Arizona and how her plotline is going to go but otherwise, enjoy!