Particular taste S.M || ✔

Seven

Gold leaf across your lips

Kiss me until I can't speak

Hostage ~ Billie Eilish

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I hold Christian his hand that I started to like more each day, I remember the first time I met him I didn't want him close to me and now it is all I ever want but he is the one pushing away all the time, the one who gave up fighting for this 'relationship', the one who gave up on me.

"Sabrina can you like stop holding me like this." I let go of his hand and see that nobody is longer around us, I know we need to act like this loved couple in public but I do wish it would have been the same in private. "I am sorry." He shakes his head and starts to go on his phone, I know he is texting some girl he saved in his contact that he can call for some quick fuck and without feelings.

"Lets stay inside together." He looks up from his phone and he shows me the confused face that describes I am some stupid person who thinks he wants to spend another night with me. "Sabrina we agreed to this, this between us is only for the public eye so our family has some good name while we in the private part of our life, do whatever we want, or should I better say who ever we want." I nod my head, knowing I lost the fight since he said agreed.

"I am sorry I should have know better." He kisses my forehead and walks away holding his phone already at his ear, I know I said to myself not to fall in love with him but the way he acts with me when we are in public is something I have always wanted with someone and I just need to remind myself it is just all for public eyes all the time and sometimes I just forget and here I am now, in love with the guy who is on his way to get some other girl in his bed tonight.

I always hoped that people would have treated me different when I was around them but it is something I need to stop doing all the time, I know people don't want me because of who I am but more because of my name, I should have know he was nothing different but a part deep inside me hoped he would love the real me for one night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Sabrina can you please help me with this?" I walk downstairs while trying on my sneakers. "I am sorry Scott, me and Emely are having a girls night." I close the door and walk to my car. I start to drive to the mall where Emely already is, she needed some help and I needed something to keep me away from all the work that lays at my bed now.

I fix my white long shirt that is a dress and put on my army jacket that is the same length, putting my hair in a messy bun fast while trying to find Emely in a mall full with people buying last time things. "You do know everybody is looking at you right now?" I turn around and see Emely with Lara beside her holding her phone in her hands taking pictures. "Stop it Lara."

I slap her shoulder and she rubs her shoulder the whole time while Emely is smiling to us now. "Come on before everybody looks at us like we are teenagers ruining their quiet night." Emely rolls her eyes while Lara is again on her phone, texting someone. "Every guy was already looking at you because you were doing a messy bun but you forgot you were wearing only a long white shirt so that showed a lot of your upper legs sweetheart, you can be so innocent sometimes." 

Looking in front of me seeing Shawn walking in the mall with his phone at his ear while his other hand is holding a bag full of groceries, I do hope one thing and that he is busy calling someone. "Is that not that one guy from that club, you left us for him." Emely pokes my stomach and I see Lara looking up at me, giving me some look that I don't like at all, knowing I kept something for her when I promised her to tell her everything.