Particular taste S.M || ✔

Twenty-four

I know that it can get crazy

Love me and sometimes you hate me

But you're not a god to me either

We've never felt something deeper

Heart to break ~ Julia Michaels

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Dear Sabrina,

I don't really know how to start this at all, I am not really good at explaining things or just being honest about my feelings, sure I have been to you quit a lot but it did took me a long to finally admit them to you. I know I can never speak this good and I will try to do that in every way possible because I know I am going to hurt you more once you are done reading this letter, I know I should tell you this right into your face because you will appreciate that more but I can't do that to myself because I know when I am going to see your face I am going to change my mind all over again like I almost did that one day, the day I left you behind at that house where you lived with Christian. 

It was a lot for me to hear about your story and I know I should have reacted in a different way but to be completely honest with you I didn't really knew how to react to you, you were being honest to me about your life and your feelings for once and I was scared to do the same. I wish I had a teleportation machine so I could go back to that time and change how I reacted to you at that moment, I will write down what I should have said to you at that moment. 

'I love how you are and how you act around me, I want to be the person you trust, I want to be the person you go to when you do not know what to do anymore. I want to be the person you will love with your whole heart and I know that it is hard for you to admit your feelings for me but I am willing to wait for you, I am fine with waiting for you because I love you. Take all the time you need in the world to think about it, about me loving you.'

That is what I should have said, not what I did, I left you behind not knowing what would happen to us at that moment, I had finally broke down a little piece of that wall of you and I made you make it bigger when I left you alone at that moment. But I want to be honest to you Sabrina, it was a big job you were asking me, to break down your wall, to break down everything you did in your life, to break trough all the thoughts you had the past few years about love and yourself. It was a lot to ask me and you never got that, you never got that Sabrina, you don,'t get it that someone is willing to fight for you and that shit hurts me a lot, I wanted to be the person you truly loved but you couldn't admit that to me but worst to yourself and that hurted me more.

I wanted to be the person for you and you didn't let me and to be hunderd precent honest to you right now, I am tired to be that person for you right now. You asked a lot from me without even knowing you did that, I knew we were never going to work out because we are both from different worlds, you do get that right, you told me that once after leaving me for the fifth time. I am sorry for doing this to you Sabrina because I do love you but I suppose not enough to fight for you anymore, I can't fight anymore for you, I am done fighting for you, I stop the battle now and I hope you get it. I hope you will get me one day, I really do. 

As you told me once, when you have no reason to stay, why not leave then? So that is what I am going to do Sabrina, I am going to leave you from now on and get rid of the love I have for you because loving you had a lot of consequences.