Particular taste S.M || ✔

Twenty-two

You're my water when I'm stuck in the desert

You're the Tylenol I take when my head hurts

You're the sunshine on my life

Best part ~ Daniel Caesar  

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It is not that I am not capable of love because that is what people think of me when they meet me, I sound like a stone cold person who has never loved someone before and sure I would think that to of myself if I would have ever met myself, I am the person who looks like she has never met someone good in her life and that is not true, I have met a lot of good people in my life but they all didn't last long enough to stay here. My own mother didn't want me, she gave me away to my dad who was at that time of his life not in a great place and the only person who was really their to take care of me were the parents of Emely and Scott, they loved me even tho they were the best friends with my parents, or the so called family of me.

As every other night since Shawn left me at that house alone, I haven't slept good to function good a whole day, it is not that I can't sleep or anything, it is more that Shawn walks around here somewhere close to me and I can't do anything about it, I haven't slept, ate or do something good in my life since two weeks. Two full weeks it took him to think about it, he still has time for it and I sure get it but it has been a hell for me, I tought I lived in hell before with Christian but these days were worse, knowing that the person you truly love is close to you but not with you makes you sick and hate everything around you.

For the first time in my life I get my dad, he loves my mother, he really does and things changed her and I will never know what changed her because she is not an open book, I got it from her as you can see, pretty much that is the only thing I learned from her and I am never sure if it good or not. My dad wants to love her, he tries to work out this relationship all the time but my mother doesn't, she thinks only about the things around her, it makes her do things that she probably would have never done before, shouting at her own children, ignoring my dad his sweet tries to make it all good for their anniversairy.

My dad is someone I look up to and I miss him a lot when I am here but I can't go back to my old life because that means hearing all the gossip about myself, me leaving my reception of my wedding because I finally had the balls to say something about it, I know people would love to see me again and ask me why I did that and why I did it at that moment, they all need to know why I do things but they don't want to know the real deep meaning behind it because that scares people away and that sucks in this world here, if you tell something it needs to be good or otherwise people stress out about what you talk and they are not scared to say something wrong, they are scared that they feel the same to and afraid to admit it to themself.

"Hi guys what are you doing here?" I open the door of my appartement and see Emely with Amy next to her holding a bag close to her. Amy has also a bag in her hands and I can see all the food in it. "We need a girls night, we haven't seen each other in such a long time, I have missed you so bad, I need my girl talk with you every day, you have been living in a rock for the last weeks." I take a bag out of her hands and throw it on my couch, Daniel has met a friend here and is busy their so I have the house for myself, I planned to take it slow and do my hair and some face masks all alone but now I can do it with the two of them being all cute, that is all I have ever needed at this moment.

"As every other girls night we had before we are going to start with putting on our nightdresses, second we are going to put on face masks and then the fun part about it all is seeing a movie we have all seen before while talking about useless things in life or about the movie, that is your choice." I nod my head and see Amy giving Emely a fast peck at her lips before she walks back to my door. "What are you doing Amy?" She turns around and shrugs her shoulders. "It is your girls night, I was never around with the old traditions so I tought I would just help Emely dropping off her stuff to stay here for the night, I am not going to deny this here but I will miss her but if this makes her happy than I am." I shake my head and pull her back to my couch.