Agent Arizona: Season 16

Headshots

In an open meadow, Sarge and Zone are talking with three other soldiers as Simmons makes another log. 

"Simmons' Science Log, entry 96. Zone, myself and Subject Red have returned to the near-present from our extended recruitment campaign in Earth's past. Despite the setbacks I've noted in previous logs, Subject Red appears satisfied with his efforts." 

"Dude, you seriously need to stop monologuing. Okay? We're not in Star Trek Next Generation." Zone says getting annoyed with Simmons' entries. 

"(Grunts) Fine." 

"Red Team is now the greatest fighting force the universe has ever seen!" Sarge declares proudly. "Private John, Private George, Private Alex! You men represent the cream of the crop! The very best of the very best!" 

Alex begins to cough violently, and collapses to the ground.

"Simmons! Help Private Alex to his feet!" Sarge orders. Simmons rushes over to him and helps him up. 

"Well, pardon me, space pilgrim." John interjects. "If you're gonna be millin' about makin' chitchat, I'd love to pop this here bucket off my head. Uh huh." 

"Negatory! I didn't equip you with the latest and greatest space Marine armor for nothin'!" 

"To be prepared for war is one of the best methods for preserving peace." George says. "But if war must be fought, let us bring destruction unto these Redcoats!" 

"No, George!" Sarge scowls. "We are the Redcoats! We're fightin' the Bluecoats! Which brings me to my point! It's time for our first mission!" 

"Back to the Battle of Broken Ridge?" Zone asks. 

"Not yet, Rex. I have other plans in mind. Men, listen up. Recently, in our future, Red Team fought a great battle against a nearly-identical Red Team. In the course of this confusing crusade, one member of Red Team was seduced and tricked into joining the enemy. One of us Reds betrayed his longtime friends and allies-" 

"One of us?" Simmons interjects. "You mean-"

"One of us was obviously so traumatized by his mistake, he began thinking in the third person!" Sarge cuts off Simmons. "We are going to save our comrade by pre-emptively striking our enemy. That's right, men. We are gonna travel in time and kill Temple!" 

"Well now you just hold on there for one second, boy howdy. I sure played my fair share of the law. I ain't never done none law-keepin' my own self." John points out. 

"I'm not gonna teach the men who taught me how to be a man how to be a man, Private John! You're just gonna have to roll with it." Sarge says. 

"Roll with it. All right, then." 

"No more talk, Simmons! Open up...the Donut Hole." Sarge orders dramatically. 

"God, that is so ridiculous to say." Zone says visor-palming. 

"Okay, about that, Sarge. Donut did tell us that his hole could only fit two grown men at once." Simmons points out. "Aren't you worried about capacity?" 

"Only our capacity for victory! Can I get a hoo-rah?" Sarge asks his men. 

"Hoo-rah." John, George, and Zone say together. Alex just continues to cough. 

"Private Alex! What have I told you about stepping on my dramatic moments?" Sarge sneers. 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

The Reds emerge from the Donut Hole atop a base in Desert Gulch, with Sarge in the lead. 

"Here we are, men. Desert Gulch." Sarge declares. "We're deep in enemy territory now."