The next weeks passed quickly. The term came to a close, as did testing week. I passed the math exam with an 82% (Ashton was pretty proud). Other than that, nothing noteworthy really happened.
However, we did not go on any dates. We were both tired and stressed and decided it was better just to leave it until we weren’t so highly-strung from our exams to go and do coupley stuff. So, on the first night of our two-week break, Ashton took me out to an Italian restaurant in the city. Coincidentally, we were seated at the table with the best view of the harbour in the restaurant.
“God, you’re such a sap,” I told him as we sat down, referring to the fact he’d gone out of his way to get us these seats. “What do you mean?” He asked innocently, batting his eyelashes. I rolled my eyes at him. “I love you so much, sap,” I grinned, looking out the window onto the water.
We sat down and started reading through the menu, and talking about the water (he mostly talked about the water, I listened). “I’m sorry,” Ashton apologised after only a couple of minutes, picking up and throwing down his serviette for emphasis, “I just can’t do this anymore.” My heart seemed to begin racing and stop beating altogether at the same time. Was he about to break up with me? We’d only been going out for a month, was I really that bad? Shit, I thought, dreading the rest of the sentence.
“You’re literally the cutest thing I’ve ever encountered, even the way you drink water is adorable,” he gushed. Oh my god, I thought. I laughed in relief, my heart slowly returning to its normal speed. I blushed and looked down at the table, mumbling a “thank you”. Even though I’d gotten used to Ashton showering me in compliments, that didn’t mean I was completely comfortable with it yet. “Why don’t you like it when I say nice things about you?” He asked, his voice softening.
I had to think about it for a moment – why did I hate compliments so much? It wasn’t even that it was only with Ashton, I hated them all.
The truth is, I knew exactly why. I just wasn’t ready to admit it. Not to myself, especially not to Ashton.
“I don’t know,” I said instead, “I just don’t like the attention, I guess.” He pouted, clearly unimpressed with my reply. “You deserve the attention,” he told me. I flinched. It was almost as though he’d seen straight into my mind. I laughed nervously, still unable to manage eye contact. I looked out towards the water again, the sky turning orange. “I don’t know,” I said, because I honestly couldn’t think of anything else to say. “Well,” Ashton said, matter-of-factly, “I do.”
“I do know lots of things, like I do know that the sun will rise tomorrow and I do know that I love you,” he began. Woah, I thought. It was definitely something to have somebody’s affection for me associated with the certainty of the earth’s orbit.
“I also know that I have never witnessed anything as stunning as your laugh. Your dimples make me want to throw myself into a river because they’re just that cute. The way you’re so tiny is so adorable because I feel like I get to protect you, even though you don’t even need to be protected because you’re probably stronger than, uh, Superman or something. I know you are the most strongly opinionated person I’ve ever met and you don’t even need to be protected. Listening to you ramble on is a privilege because you’re… you’re like, a goddess and I’m just a peasant. But I’m a happy peasant because I get to listen to you talk about all the things you talk about. Also I love the way you have an obsession with city lights, because that’s so cool. And you’re so smart. Like, you think you’re not smart because you’re not the best in math. But you’re smart in so many other ways like the things you do and the way you talk.”
