phobias // n.h. au

fifteen

fifteen»»

The knocks were frequent, but I refused to open the door, knowing who was on the other side. I sat, back against the door as I fiddled with my nails. The vibrations from the door echoed along my spine, and I could hear his slight mumbles every once in a while.

No fucking way was I going to let him back in. Not after last night, the one I realized I didn't mean as much as I thought I did, so really nothing at all. The kiss meant even less, obviously to him. If I had anymore tears to cry, maybe some would be running down my cheeks, but I was all out now. There were none left, so I just sat in melancholy.

He would mumble, but I didn't care what he said anymore. I didn't care what he did anymore. I didn't care anymore, at all. All he did was hurt me, and I was too weak to take anymore. Or maybe too strong.

I was afraid of the entire freaking world before he showed up, but now, I didn't care. That's what he came to do, so maybe that was him showing me it was time for him to leave.

Then why wouldn't he just go then?

I asked myself this all the time now. I just wanted him to leave, and maybe he would if I didn't let him in. Everything was so hard for me, I'm sure he didn't feel a thing, so the was determined to not let him in.

Another knocking began, and I rubbed my forehead with my hands, anger pulsing through my body along with grief. I feel like a part of me just died.

"Tris, please." his voice sounded strained, like it was exhausted. I even thought I heard a crack.

My chest was numb, and I no longer felt pain. Maybe I'd be over him now, maybe I could finally forget.

Forget the hell I've been put through.

"Tristan?" I fought my sore legs from staying there all last night, and I stood, deciding if he came in, he could see he didn't have an effect on me anymore; I wasn't scared.

My phobias are gone, and they aren't coming back. My back was still painful, along with all the cuts I received that awful night, even though, they were almost gone.

I took a deep breath before unlocking the two locks separating me from him. Niall stood outside this door, just waiting for me, and I knew it, but I wouldn't crawl back to him. He'd been an asshole, I wasn't going to give in.

My hand found the cold door knob, and before my right mind could kick in, I twisted my wrist. The door flung open, Niall's eyes widening, before jumping for me. I stopped him in his place though, by taking a step back and sticking my hand out.

"Tris-"

"No. I'm not scared anymore, Niall. I'm not."

"But, -"

"Stop, Niall. I didn't let you in because I forgive you."

"Can you just take two minutes? Please? I can make it up to you." he begged, seeing his blue eyes almost looked cracked.

I nodded and sat on the couch, as he sat right beside me, and I stood back up.

"No. Sit on the other side, Niall, we're practically strangers. Well you are a stranger to me." I said,pointing away. His mouth hung open hurt, but obliged to my demand, before beginning.

"Tristan what eve happened last night wasn't me." I scoffed at his opening sentence, now suddenly feeling my tears refilling.

"Then who was it? Because it sure did look damn like you." I hiccuped, feeling the tears beginning to come.

"Well, it was me. But not me. Tristan, I wasn't acting like I should an-"

"Wait wait wait, this was all an act? It was a total waste of my time, just you playing me?" I felt my breath hitch in my throat, and my lungs collapsed.