Off the Rails

Chapter Fifteen

Dakota
I woke up in Liam's bed the next morning around 10. I rubbed my sleepy eyes and looked up at him. He was still sleeping. God, he was so pretty while he slept.

I felt very well rested and content. But then the words I thought I heard last night popped into my head...

I must have imagined them, right? Liam didn't say he loved me. I must have been so exhausted that I started to hear things.

Maybe the scary part wasn't that Liam loved me. I assumed he had, since we had been dating for so long. It shouldn't of been a big deal.

The part that absolutely terrified me was that somewhere, deep down, I didn't know if I loved him back. Not yet, at least. Things had been going well, and I was happy, but was it love? True, vulnerable love?

My stomach twisted in knots as I realized I didn't think so. I was happy with and attracted to him, but it didn't feel like how love was supposed to feel. I didn't feel heart wrenching and passionate and emotionally terrifying in that way.

It felt safe.

But isn't that why I dated Liam in the first place? It was safer than exploring whatever I had with Drake.

I wanted to love Liam. I wanted for him to be it— for him to be my person.

Maybe in time he would be. Maybe in time I would feel that way.

But part of me was terrified I never would.

I tried to think about something else and shake the uncomfortable and suffocating feeling away. I sat up gently pressed my lips to Liam's, effectively waking him up.

"Hey, babe," he mumbled, tiredly, but happily.

"Good morning," I smiled.

"I like waking up to you in the morning," his blue eyes lit up.

"Same here," I kissed him again, this time on the cheek. "But I should really head home."

"Are you sure you have to?" He gave me a lopsided grin.

"Yes. But trust me, I'd rather stay here with you."

"Alright," he kissed my temple quickly then got out of bed, slipping his sweatshirt back on.

"I'm gonna use the bathroom," I announced as I walked into Liam's private bathroom that was connected to his bedroom.

I looked at myself, horrified in the mirror. My makeup was incredibly messy and smudged, and my hair, which I had lazily pulled up in a bun, looked like a rat's nest.

I decided that Liam already had seen me like that, so trying to fix it then was pointless.

As I walked back out, Liam asked, "You sure you don't wanna stay for breakfast?"

"I think I've pushed the rules with my mom enough for twenty four hours. I should get back. Can you just drive me home?"

"Of course. Why don't you just keep those clothes at your place? That way you don't have to change again," he gestured to his sweats and shirt that I was still wearing.

"Sure. Thanks, babe," I smiled.

"No problem," he grinned, grabbing his car keys off his dresser. "Let's go."

Liam drove me home, my dress and bouquet of flowers sitting on my lap. It was probably a hilarious site, both of us still in our pajamas and me still looking like a complete mess.

Finally, we pulled in front of my house, and Liam got out to walk me to my front door.

"Thank you for an amazing anniversary," I smiled, interlocking my arms behind his neck.