AT LAST, I COULD BREATHE | billy hargrove

breathe for me.

chapter song: Elastic Heart - Sia

breathe for me.

Billy's POV

"Sir...? Sir, can you hear me?"

A bright light blinded me and I pushed away from the person holding the flashlight. My vision kept coming and going as I tried to blink the black spots away. My head spun and I wasn't able to stand up at all, which added to my frustration.

"Sir? Calm down, just breathe."

My eyes clenched shut, as Bo's voice echoed in my head.

Breathe, Billy. You're with me, he isn't here. You're okay, just breathe, baby.

My breathing slowed for a second before my eyes snapped open to the woman standing a few feet from me. I glanced around, noticing where I was, finally: standing on the outskirts of a cornfield.

Bo.

"Where is she?"

"Sir—"

"Where is she?!!" I roared, running back towards the road, the woman in the EMT uniform following close behind. My car was being towed out of the ditch I swerved into—the only significant damage to that being the huge, me-sized hole in the front windshield. I looked closer and noticed Bo wasn't in the passenger seat. I turned back to the woman, not seeing her anywhere.

"Where is she?!"

"She was out cold when we found her. She had a weak pulse, so we took her to the nearest hospital—"

"Is she gonna be okay?!" I yelled, running my hands through my hair. The woman didn't answer. "Goddammit, is she okay?!!"

"We don't know," the EMT responder answered sadly.

My breathing became shallower and shallower with each breath I took and I could feel my throat closing. "Oh, fuck, not now. Please not now," I begged to a higher power.

My head spun and I tried to shake away the dizziness, but it just made it worse. I fell back onto the ground, sitting up, trying to get my bearings.

Shit, what was it that she said to do?

I clenched my eyes shut again and pictured her face when she first helped me with these stupid fucking panic attacks. I concentrated on her mouth—God, that fucking mouth—and needed to hear what she said.

'Find five things to see, Billy,' her voice spoke softly. I opened my eyes and saw the concerned EMT lady, the yellowing grass, my bruised hands, my beloved car, and...Harrington?

I can't do this in front of him, I thought, even though Bo said that if I try and ignore it, it gets worse. She hasn't been wrong so far. Fuck.

"What the hell happened, Hargrove?" His voice rang out.

I rolled my eyes and got up from the ground with a bit of difficulty. My head still felt like it was too heavy to hold up, but I had to manage. I sized him up—even though he was taller—as I approached him.

"What the hell does it look like? Why are you here, of all people?"

"I called Bo to see if she'd gotten home because I wanted to talk to her, but her mom said she was still out, and since I knew she went home with you, I wanted to make sure you weren't—"

"You really think that low of me?"

"Uh, yeah."

"...That's fair, but just so you know, I'd never do that—especially not to her of all people. I'm not that fucked up."