1| WAKE UP LITTLE ONE ( zalfie)

Chapter 5

Zoe's POV

I sobbed into Alfie's chest. He felt warm and firm, and, well...safe.

"What's wrong, little one?" Alfie asked.

There was so much worry and care in his voice that my heart swelled.

"Well..." My voice wobbled. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell someone. Oh my God, Alfie... It's just... I don't know. I'm probably overreacting but that's what having anxiety does to you. I guess I'm just having one of those days where everything is too much. I am so, so thankful for the life I have, I couldn't be happier, everything's amazing it's just...sometimes even YouTubers need a break. We're not perfect. We have our insecurities. And broadcasting them to millions of people makes that so much worse. I just feel like I'm not good enough, Alf. I'm not good enough for the fans, the cameras, the events...Everyones so flawless and beautiful and I'm just...there. My skins awful, I'm way too skinny, and I have the most awful bags under my eyes. Compared to all of you I'm just...Ew. I have anxiety, panic attacks and I'm just not as naturally hilarious as the rest of you. I don't deserve to be amongst you amazing YouTubers. I'm like the ugly duckling and you all are the beautiful swans. I feel like a failure. Like I don't give my fans enough. Like I let them down. Like the only reason I'm remotely well known is because of Joe. Combined with my anxiety, and how worried I am about how people see me... Alfie, you do not know how insecure I feel. I want to delete all my videos because they're not as good as I'd like them to be. I want to delete myself because I'm not as good as I'd like to be." When I finished my speech I literally broke down into hysterics.

I was full in sobbing, gasping for breath, my makeup running down my face mixed with the steady flow of tears as my shoulders shook so violently it felt like my skeleton was going to escape from my body.

Alfie was speechless. Oh my God. He must agree. I knew it! This made me cry harder, if that was possible, burying my head into my lap.

But then I felt the bed shift and Alfie was right beside me. He pulled me up from the crumpled heap I was in his bed and onto his lap. He just gently rocked me, rubbing my back, stroking my hair and whispering to me. He played all these lovely songs that calmed me on his phone and when my sobs developed into the hiccup stage he brought me downstairs and made me a hot chocolate with marshmallows, whipped cream and chocolate flakes.

Then he made me a plate of Nutella on toast and we both sat on the sofa in his living room, curled up in front of the fire, safe from the storm which wasn't just outside...It was inside me. With Alfie I felt so safe. I forgot all my troubles and it felt so good to let it all out. I trusted Alfie fully and it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders now my worries were shared with someone.

I sipped my hot chocolate while Alfie held me close.

"What do you want to watch, little one? Whatever you like. I'll even buy a movie from sky stores if you want," Alfie said sweetly.

I gave a small smile. "Do you have Frozen?" I giggled.

Alfie rolled his eyes, but began to put it on. But before he pressed play, he put both his hands on my shoulders and pressed our foreheads together.

"Zoe Sugg, listen to me a minute. No matter what you think you're beautiful, hilarious and just amazing. You mean a lot to me and a lot to everyone around you. You're looked up to by millions of people. You are not a failure. You more of a champion than anyone I know, because you're battling your own wars inside. But no matter what you're not alone. You have your friends, family, fans and me. We'll always be here for you. You're doing so well for yourself and you don't have anything that you need to change. Don't stop making videos because you literally change lives. Don't ever think you're not good enough, Zoe, because you're more than good enough. You're a true hero. Despite your insecurities, you still make videos to help people and put your fans before anything. And to me, you're awesome. Your skin is imperfectly perfect, your just the right size for me and your bags just show that you're under stress. You're only human, Zo. You can't please anybody. You get scared, don't we all? Yours might be more severe but you're not the only one dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. Nobody's going to think any different of you because of that. Nobody's perfect," Alfie said.

He kissed my head and pressed play. I had no words, and I didn't think words needed to be spoken. That was perfect. Alfie was truly the sweetest guy in the world and he'd helped me so much. I felt a million times better and he didn't know how much of a hero he was to me right now. I hoped my eyes could express what my words couldn't. I leant my head on Alfie's shoulder and simply focused on the movie.

Alfie murmured along with Olaf, "Some people are worth melting for."

And looked straight at me. I returned the look.

"Thank you, Alf," I whispered. "you're my hero...and you don't know how helpful that was for me. You are truly the nicest guy ever and any girl would be lucky to have you."

"Thanks Zo," Alfie said, but I couldn't help noticing his smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

He seemed sad, and wishful kind of. I shrugged it off and watched the rest of the movie with my awesome friend.