1| WAKE UP LITTLE ONE ( zalfie)

Chapter 33

Dedicated to @IssyT4 - you're welcome ;-)

Zoe's POV

I was still at Alfie's grave when everyone went home and the dirt was piled on top of him. I lay beside the grave, just talking to it.

Telling him how much I loved him, how I wished things could be different, how much of an idiot I was.

He didn't answer, and I didn't expect him too. He was gone, after all. And it was my fault.

I told him about what had happened since I woke up. My life story, up to that point. The others' injuries. What was going to happen. My favourite things, my interests, things I was good at. What I planned for the future.

How I wished I could have a future with him.

I went to the field beside the church and picked hundreds upon hundreds of wild flowers, making them into pretty chains and bunches and tying them with ribbon. Then I made my way back to Alfie's grave and made patterns on the soil, tracing the words on his gravestone and wishing they weren't true.

I thought over what Nurse Meredith had told me concerning Alf's death. How he'd been so weak from his beatings, starvation and tiredness at first. That the burns made him ten times weaker, in ten times more pain. And when he inhaled all the smoke, his body just gave up. It'd had enough, his lungs collapsed.

Since I was perfectly healthy, my lungs had managed to cope until the firefighters rescued me. But if Alfie hadn't driven away after I chose Jack over him, he wouldn't have been kidnapped, he wouldn't be as weak, and he might have been able to last, like me.

Why couldn't it have been me that was kidnapped? Alfie was an amazing guy and didn't deserve to die.

I loved him. I loved him with all my heart and I couldn't bear the thought of living without him. Tears ran down my cheeks.

His mother didn't have a son anymore to see him get married and have children and hug him and help him. She wouldn't have her son at her funeral, instead it was the opposite.

His father didn't have a son to watch sport with and hang out with and be proud when he got a wife and had children. Alfie couldn't even go to his own fathers funeral, his father had nobody to go. Instead, his father had to weep at his own sons funeral.

His sister didn't have a brother to protect her, to keep her safe from dangers and boys. To fight with, to be friends with.

His friends didn't have the funny guy who lit up the room with his smile and made everybody laugh and was the life of the party.

The subscribers didn't have their guy who brightened their day and made them feel better and help them through tough patches.

I didn't have the guy I loved so much, who made me feel safe and helped me sleep and kissed me with such passion and hugged me when I was upset and made me feel good about myself and loved me for who I was and made me laugh when I didn't even feel like smiling and the guy who I now knew I wanted to walk down the aisle with. The only guy I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was my everything; he always had been.

But now he was gone. Nobody had the boy they loved. And it was my fault.

And at that moment, I realised what I was thinking was right. I couldn't live without him. Without my Alfie.

So I leant down to the grave and kissed the top of the dirt.

"I'll see you soon, Alfie," I said, and made my way to Brighton pier.

It wasn't far from the church, so after about twenty minutes I reached the cliff overlooking the choppy waves and sharp rocks and dangerous currents, the icy wind blowing my hair everywhere.

I took a deep breath and tottered towards the edge, looking out to the sky.

"I'm doing this for you, Alf. So we can finally be together."

"Angels can fly," I whispered, and jumped.

A single red Carmellia flew out from my pocket and I smiled from the symbolism before I hit the water.

I floated in the waves, staring upward. The clouds floated into the shape of Alfie's head, his face formed and it looked like he was looking down at me. I felt the world I was living in, the reality start to slip away. It was like I was slowly gaining consciousness. But I was already awake...I'd been to Alfie's funeral. I'd talked to his grave. I'd committed to suicide to be with the guy id admitted to love. Or had I? My reality seemed faded, points of it weren't clear. And then I thought...What if it wasn't real?

"Wake up, little one," I heard a voice say.

And then I opened my eyes and snapped out of my nightmare.

Author's Note

Yeah, the dedication is to @IssyT4 because in the comments she thought it was a dream. She was right, you're welcome Issy and all the others who commented saying there were crying and shouting at me for killing off Alfie :-)

I'm too nice to do that, I love Alf too much <3 And I couldn't do that to Zoe; otherwise it won't be #Zalfie forever and I can't live with that not being forever sooo. Yeah.

The story might have been better if I had killed Alfie, and i did think about it, but I couldn't do it. Sorry if you thought the plot would be better with Alfie dying but I couldn't kill my bæ.

~El x

PS

This might be the last chapter, depending on your responses.