Purple Tips (My New Escape)

Eighteen

Its cold. I feel the wind blowing on the back of me. I'm so close to the edge. All I would have to do is lean. Lean forward.

I look down and all I see is cars passing each other in the streets unaware of where I am.

The rain is falling down my face and I'm about to jump. I have the biggest urdge to.

I look behind me one last time to see if Lush was there to come and save me and she wasn't.

No one is here to help me, guide me, take me away from bad decisions; loneliness.

My purple hair was sticking to my face making it hard for me to concentrate.

I step forward and feel the wind take my breath away as I fall from the thirty story building.

I open my eyes and I'm in my prison cell. I sigh. 'It's just a dream.' I sit up against my hard bed (if you would even call it that) and rest my head on the wall.

By now, I just play back what happened to me and how I got in this situation.

Met a girl, killed my dad, ran away, caused trouble, I killed another person; this time a cop.

I killed another person.

I care about Lush too much for my own good. And because of that, here I am; sitting in a prison cell because I saved Lush's ass again.

I don't know what's gonna happen next. No matter what situation I'm in, I always find myself asking the same question.

What now?

They took my gun...

Tackled me to the ground...

Bodies forcing onto mine...

My friend- no...best friend- my sister- ....my partner left me.

....

I should be crying right now but I can't. I don't have any emotions left. I feel so tired and drained. I have no purpose.

I wish they would just come in and kill me at this point.

I literally have nothing else to live for aside from Lush.

.....

I started to think about all thr good times ive had with her. Driving around, singing songs, changing our hair, that little party.

I wish I could go back to that.

....

I hear my door open. I look to my left and there was a cop.

"You're free to go." My eyes widen.

I what?

How?? I killed someone! Isn't that a life sentence???

I don't care. Im free to go and die :)

I get up and walk out of the cell into the hallway.

As I'm walking to the front, the cop is behind me guiding me.

Do I just go?

I walk out and I see a familiar truck. And there she was in all of her glory leaning on the side of my truck.

Lush

"How did you get me out?" I said looking out the car window.

She pauses before saying, "Money...most of our money..."

I groan knowing we can't stay out here forever with our shortage of money.

"We can always get more money. Don't stress about that."

I turn to her. "What should I be stressed about?"

"Nothing really." She said simply.

There is a brief pause. "why did you bail on me?"

"So that when you get caught, you've got backup."

I nod. It makes sense. She knew it would cost money but not THAT much.

"Did you blame everything on me?"

She giggled and nodded. "Yeah. But you're out now."

I hold her hand and look out the window. "Yeah. I can be with you again."

I sit down on the hotel bed. The room was old and dusty. It was cozy and warm.

I could tell Lush had already slept here in the time I was in Jail. I was just so happy to see her again after her...her..

She sits down next to me. The lights are down low and its dark out.

I look at her. "Hey...."

She looks up at me nervous. "hey...."

"What's wrong with you?" I didn't say it rudly. I was worried. She knew that too. We understand each other.

She looks at the floor. "I-I don't know..." She said softly.

"Yes you do. Just tell me"

She paused again.

She took a deep breath. "Well...I thought maybe that we could do anything now. I wanted to do something bad? Like I had an urge?"

"What caused that urge?"

She twitched. "I felt like, I needed something to prove who I am. That I'm not just 'me'. Some girl from ohio with no friends. I feel worthless? And I wanted to be something I wasn't."

I frown.

"I have so many things wrong with me. SO many things. I'm stupid, I'm sad, shy, and a mess."

She tences up.

"Like, I was thinking. I dunno...Example; I'm a lesbian! I didn't ask to be born liking girls. I dont want to be a freak!"

"Freak?" I tence up.

"Yes Omy! A freak! I'm nothing but a fucking freak. Likeing girls is bad and I'm...I'm going to hell."

She tenced up more and teared up still looking down.

"There is PROOF that I'm going to hell. I'm wrong! My whole life is wrong so why not live up to it? GOD! YOU DONT GET IT! YOU'RE NOT EVEN GAY!!! I HATE MYSELF AND I NEVER ASKED TO BE THIS WAY!!"

she starts to cry.

"I just want to be normal. I want a good life. I want everyone to just accept me. But I can't. I've been judged my whole life because of who I am. I just want to die! I. JUST. WANT. TO. DIE."

I look at her sadly.

"SO MAYBE I SHOULD JUST BE MY WRONG SELF AND GO TO HELL-"

I turn her face to mine and kiss her.

I press my lips against hers and kiss her. She kissed me back and holds my hand.

I feel her be less tense as I put my hand on the side of her face and hip.

I feel the skin on her arm and neck. When he hands touched me, I shivered and gave her my heart.

I knew I was in love.

I push her down on the bed and continue to kiss her. I ran my fingers through her hair.

She bit my lip and pulled me in. I loved every bit of her. Her taste, look, voice, hair, personality, body, the way she moved. She was my everything.

I slowly push up off of her.

"Did that feel wrong?" I said softly and deep.

"No..."