Purple Tips (My New Escape)

The End Is The Begining

I'm walking around. It's cold. Chills race up and down my back. The night sky is filled with stars and the streetlights are lit. I don't really know what day it is. Or month.

I don't have a car anymore. I got into a car accident and now I'm on my feet. I can't go to hotels. I need to save my money for food. A house. So if it rains I'm screwed.

I remember that day. I was close to death. But it didn't come. I wasn't even afraid to die. I lost my soulmate and I have no future. What's the point? That's when I decided I need to die. What else could I possibly do?

So I started to think. How could I die fast and without pain? I could drown. I could hang. Or I could have someone else kill me so that it's not suicide. I'm not religious but I think I heard Lush's dad talk about people who commit suicide go to hell or some messed up shit? I don't want to go to hell. I want to see Lush in heaven. But I don't know the afterlife. That's why I'm scared. I can't do it myself.

Maybe I could get a cop to shoot me? I'm good at pissing people off. I lay in the grass and sleep for the last time.

--

The town wakes up. Today, I can do anything I want. But I'm not in the do stupid stuff mood. Not without Lush. She was my soul my passion. My confidence. My wife. But now we can't see each other. Now we can't kiss or hold each other. Now we can't try out dangerous things. Now we can't get married.

I imagined her lips.

Her short hair.

Her big blue eyes.

How tall she is.

How skinny she is.

Her soft voice.

Her.

Her touch was a drug. She makes me feel dizzy. She makes me feel not alone. She makes me feel happy.

I pull out my pocket knife and walk around the town. I'm ready. I'll be free from all of this pain. I'm leaving. I don't know where I'll go but as long as it's away from here.

Every sin I have made is running through my head. How I killed my dad. How I ran away. How I stole. How I got mad at Lush ever.

Regret is the only emotion I feel right now. There are things I still want to do. But I can't. It's too late.

I start searching for cops. Every street corner, every ally. Then I finally found one. He was in front of a bank. I shook every thought out of my head and stayed focused.

I think of a plan to get the cop to shoot me. What crime is bad enough? Then I lay eyes on my target.

I walk behind a person and follow them getting closer and closer to the bank. I start to tear up. I just let them fall.

I walk a little faster. He was oblivious to me. I held my breath and every memory of my life was going through my head.

Stay focused. There is no need to think about that now.

I start to feel hesitant

Do it

Something in my head just