It's killing me, once again
Your traces remain
And they torture me
It's killing me
I turned around like you're a stranger
But why am I so lonely?
Remember when we saw each other in the lobby? You were wearing an oversized hoodie and black pants together with sneakers, the same outfit that you were wearing the first time we met in the practice room. I saw how hard you tried to avoid my eyes. I wouldn't blame you, I felt the same way. I fought hard not to look into your cat-like eyes and it kills me at the fact that we are back to square one. Strangers.
I thought I'd be indifferent about breaking up
But there's one habit of yours that I have
Not being able to throw things away
Foolishly, these feelings remain
Something that feels like regret
Opposite from you who is doing great
I'm half dead
Our break up was a mutual one. We wanted to focus on our dreams. The day we broke up, I felt fine. I went back to the practice room and carried on with my day without any problem. But that same night, when I was alone in my room, I caught a glimpse of the traces you left behind. Our memories. Pictures, gifts, letters. I didn't feel fine anymore. All I felt at that time were regrets and sorrow.
I didn't know the weight of this break up
I was selfish, I ignored your tears
The day we broke up, I saw tears welling up in your eyes even when you were smiling like it's fine. I didn't bother. I told myself you wanted this too. You're fine. But I guess, I was selfish.
Freedom and new relationships
But behind that is an empty heart
On this dark night, I'm alone again
This isn't right
Her existence is such a big part of my world
I try but I can't take her out of it
Once I did take her off, I broke down
But I can't tell myself to be ready to die
So it's killing me
Few weeks later, I felt better. I hung out with my friends, those friends whom you wanted me to spend lesser time with. I felt like I was a free bird. But again, when I was back in my room, alone, in total darkness, memories of you started to creep in. I was reminded of your gummy smile despite your cold exterior. However badly I want to throw our memories away, I know I could never do that. You have been a big part of my life and removing it will also mean throwing myself away.
I loved her to death
The extinguished fire is burning up again
Is it because of this painful longing?
Or is it my selfish loneliness?
I saw your comeback vlive. You were only wearing a simple red dress but it was enough to make me miss you all over again. I can't help but to smile when you smile and laugh when you laugh. You looked so happy but I was in agony. I missed you.
It's killing me, once again
Your traces remain
And they torture me
You had a very successful comeback. You achieved your dream of getting an album, lightstick, going on tours and the recognition you deserved. I was in pain but despite of that, I was happy. For you. And I will always be happy for you.
PS: I'm sorry if you find this one shot to be disappointing. I wanted to try on different writing styles. (and yes, killing me-ikon was the reference for this one shot bc i love this song so much)
