The Misfits

One Month Later | Estelle

I was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling of my room and feeling insanely crappy, even more than usual. I've tried to call Halden over and over again but he never picks up his phone, I try to talk to him in the halls but he just ignores me. When I sit down next to him in the cafeteria, he moves to a different spot and if there isn't another spot left, he pretends that I'm not there.

The thing is, I found out that I like Halden a lot more than Jake, Jake is great and all, but I know that Halden would never hurt me. Halden would protect me and care for me, I don't like to think that I need protection, but I do like the feeling of being safe. The other thing is, I can never seem to get the courage or form the words to tell him this, I'm too scared to see how he will react. My worst fear is that he won't say anything.

So, since Halden hasn't been talking to me, I try and talk to Jake because he's the person I know best, I don't hate him and he doesn't hate me. He seems like the only person that doesn't hate me right now. But Gwen doesn't trust me, I'm not sure if she even trusts him anymore so I can't even go near him and if I do, I'll never be able to talk alone with him.

Every single day I walk into the building alone like my first two days of school, every single day I sit alone in the cafeteria, every single day I try not to cry because I don't have it as bad as some other people do. It's not like I've even been trying too hard anyway.

Letting out a shaky sigh [ which seems to be the way I have been breathing lately, through sighs ], I roll off of my bed and pull my backpack towards me. I've been failing math without the help of Halden, all of those numbers and everything has really been confusing me, I don't get any of it. My mom has been having a rough time too, adding my failing math onto the rocks that are weighing down her shoulders has had a great affect. And I hate myself for it.

I hate myself a lot for it.

Holding back hot tears that were pricking at my eyes, I pull out my math textbook, a notebook, and my notes from my bag. I throw my hair into a ponytail and begin studying, we were going to have a math quiz on Monday and I didn't want to fail it. That's when my phone began to ring.

It was Jake.

"Hello?" I said, trying to keep the shake out of my voice.

"I'm in front of your house. Hurry, I need to talk to you." He said, sounding urgent. I hung up and threw on a pair of black flip flops. It didn't matter that I was just in some grey sweats and baggy, faded t-shirt that had paint all over it. It's not like Jake would care, he already has a girlfriend.

So I walk out of my house and open up the door to his car and hop in. Jake starts to drive, we were in complete silence. I didn't dare look at him, I never dared to look him straight in the eye anymore and I don't really know why.

Jake rolls up to an empty parking lot in front of this old, abandoned movie theater that I used to go to as a kid when we went to California. I kind of missed those old days, when you could make friends so easily, didn't have to worry about how you looked, and boys were just gross people with cooties.

You never understood anything. There wasn't drama, there was just your little imagination.

"I'm really sorry about Halden, I heard what happened." Jake said in a quiet voice after sitting in silence for a while.

"Nothing that I can do about it." I replied in an equally quiet voice if not quieter. I stared down at my blue painted toenails and fiddled with my fingers which were covered with paint.

"I miss talking to you." At this, I look up and see that Jake was staring at me. I gave him a small smile.

"I miss talking to you too, Jake." I whispered back, trying to keep my voice from cracking again which proved to be impossible. I hope that this wouldn't end up like last time, hugging each other and sobbing our eyes out only to find out that Gwen saw us.