Desire (DBSK YunJae/YooSu)

Desire ~ 5

„But I love you."
Ever since Yunho said these words he couldn't stop thinking about it, he hated it but he couldn't control it. He was desperate for the younger, he wanted to be his but he knew it was wrong, forbidden, sinful. He wanted to stop feeling about his little brother like that, he wanted to be a good brother but he already knew his feelings were out of control. He was scared of himself and the things he could do, fearing that he one day won't be able to control himself in front of Yunho anymore. New sobs escaped his mouth when he thought about it, his desperation and desire would turn him into a monster, he was sure about that.
The sudden ringing of his phone snapped him out of his thoughts but he ignored the caller, sure that it was Yunho who tried to find him to talk with him. Before the younger would really find him he stood up and stumbled down the road, he knew exactly where he could go right now. He just needed to avoid Yunho for some time, maybe then his feelings will vanish and he could be the brother he always wanted to be for Yunho.
After 15 minutes he reached his destination and immediately felt bad when he saw the shocked expression on his best friend's face.
„Is everything alright? What happened to you?" Junsu immediately asked while dragging Jaejoong into their mansion.
Instead of answering Jaejoong just remained silent until they were in the younger's room and he knew he had to talk, he couldn't just show up at 10 PM without telling him why.
„Promise me not to hate me afterwards. It was already hard enough but I can't continue like this" he whispered and felt fresh tears forming in his eyes.
„I won't, just tell me what's wrong" Junsu replied and waited for the older to continue.
„Do you remember our conversation at school today? When you asked me if there is a special someone I can't stop thinking about."
„I do and yes I did ask you that. Did something happen to that person?" the younger asked further but Jaejoong just shook his head.
„I already told you that I can't stop thinking about him and how I really feel about him, how much I yearn for his touch. How much I desire to be his even if I'll never be able to."
„Did he tell you that he doesn't like you or does he have a girlfriend?"
Before continuing Jaejoong took a deep breath, this will be it. This will be the first time he'll tell anyone that he's in love with Yunho, his own brother.
„Not exactly but he's my brother. I am in love with Yunho and I hate it. Feeling like this about my own little brother disgusts me but I can't control it. I don't want to feel this way about him" he whispered while tears were dropping to his hands, he was too ashamed to look at his best friend, he was sure he would be utterly disgusted.
„So this is the reason why you're so protective. Not only because he's your younger brother but you love him. I'm honest now, I definitely didn't expect that but you can't control your feelings and who you fall in love with. But what happened that you suddenly wanted to talk about it?"
„He said he loves me. Of course I know that he doesn't mean it like that but it hurt me so much. I am head over heels in love with him and if he'll ever find out he'll hate me, he will be disgusted" Jaejoong mumbled and clumsily wiped away his tears.
„Don't say such things. He'll be surprised, maybe shocked but I'm sure he won't hate you. He's so proud of having a brother like you and I'm sure that won't change."
„What about you?" the older mumbled and looked up for the first time to look at his best friend.
„I'm surprised that's all. I can perfectly understand you and the way you feel, I've been through it before even if the situation wasn't the same" he replied and surprised Jaejoong.
„What do you mean? You're not talking about Yoochun, right?"
„Who else? Of course it's about Yoochun. I thought I'm insane just because of him" Junsu replied with a chuckle.
„But you started dating not long after you knew each other" Jaejoong mumbled with a small pout, finally forgetting about his own problems.
„We did but I hated him before. He was constantly flirting with the girls from the whole school and I hated him for that. He didn't know that I liked him or how much I yearned for him."
„So how did he find out? Doesn't seem like he just asked you out."
„It was more like an accident. I was really annoyed because of his behavior and I couldn't continue like that. Instead of ignoring him I asked him why he was behaving like an asshole, flirting with all of the girls but never asking one of them out. I know it was a bit mean but I couldn't hold myself back in this moment. He told me that he already was in love with someone else and I hated the thought of him dating one of these girls so I just left, at least I wanted to. Before I could go he grabbed my wrist, making it impossible for me to leave. I was angry at him, I didn't want to hear who it was and only wanted to be away from him. He only smirked at me before he asked me if I'm jealous and before I could answer he kissed me. We talked about everything afterwards and started dating."
„So you acted out of desperation?" Jaejoong asked, trying to confirm it once again.
„Yes. It was inevitable. You can't always hold back and watch. I had enough of waiting and suffering so I decided to do something. I was lucky that Yoochun felt the same way" Junsu replied with a small smile.
„Are you telling me to just tell him?"
„I was just saying that it will happen sooner or later no matter how much you try to hold back and control yourself."
Jaejoong knew he was right but he decided it would be the best not to tell his brother right away.

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It's  been a long time since I updated but here it is 🙈