A Long Hunt

Wise Words from the Angel of Tricks

Sam was sitting alone at the small table motel table. There were already five empty bottles of beer sitting on the wooden surface. A sixth, almost empty bottle, was grasped tightly in the hunter’s cold clammy hands. It had already been almost twelve hours since Cas had left. After two hours he had began to assume that neither the angel nor his brother were ever going to come back.  Sam didn’t know what to do anymore. He knew he couldn’t just leave Dean’s body lying there on the bed much longer. He was going to have to lay him to rest sometime. Sam didn’t want to bury his brother, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to salt and burn him. Dean was going to need his body when he came back! The hunter sighed. He was on his own again and he was going to have to do this all alone. Again.

‘This can’t be real. It has to be a dream. Dean is just sleeping in late like he always does. He’ll wake up any minute and bitch at me for something stupid.’ Sam’s tried to convince himself as his thoughts screamed though his head. He took a swig from his beer in an effort to quiet the raging storm in his mind. ‘It should have been me! Dean finally found someone who made him feel like his life worth living! Dean will wake up! He has too… I need him… Castiel needs him. We all need him….’ A tear trickled slowly downs the hunters face.

Sam was quickly running out of readily available options. He had already gone down the basic list of ways to bring his brother back. All of them had failed miserably. He wasn’t sure why he had convinced himself that they would work. Nothing was that simple in his life. Ever.

Even the phone call to Bobby had been very little help. Bobby, the man who always had a plan for everything, the man who had been through so much, the man who had been like a father to them, had finally broken down right when Sam needed him most.  Bobby didn’t say much once Sam had given him the rundown of their situation. He had given the young Winchester a few halfhearted ideas that ended up failing anyways. The old tired hunter had that he would keep his eyes open for more ways to bring Dean back. However, most of the phone call had consisted of a painful silence. Sam believed that Bobby was in shock. His boys die one to many times and it had finally broken through the skin. Sam had no doubt in his mind that he himself was more than likely going into shock too. He was just too far gone to see the effects.

‘He’s okay Sam. He’s not dead.’ The voice in his head called tauntingly.

No matter how many times Dean died or got hurt there was just something about him that screamed he was indestructible. It never seemed like something seriously wrong would happen to Dean, yet he was always plagued with misfortune around every corner. Just when Dean had gotten something good, the rug had been ripped from underneath him again.

‘Why are our lives so fucked?’ Sam asked himself for roughly the thousandth time that day. 

Dean was supposed to be untouchable. He was supposed to protect Sam and rag on his ass 24/7. Yes Dean could be annoying, yes he could be a dick, but he was also Sam’s rock. He had kept him on the right path all these years and he always made sure to reel him back in when he had become too far gone. Dean had even saved his ass on numerous occasions. If it wasn’t for Dean, Sam felt that he would have most likely cracked a long time ago. Dean couldn’t leave him now! He needed his big brother!

‘You better get used to it. He’s gone Sam! Dean is fucking gone! You could have saved him Sam! You should have driven faster. It’s your fault. This is all your fault. You were the one who made him go get more movies. You pushed Dean away! You did this!’ The voice in his head growled at him violently. It was demanding his attention. The dark voice would just fight harder when he tried to push it away. His mind was screaming at him louder than Lucifer at his worst. ‘Sam your to blame! This happened because of y- SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!!’ Sam roared at himself.