New Rogues In Town

Chapter 26: Angry Sex

I stood outside the red door of the familiar house I'd called home for the last month, well minus this last week that is. These weeks honestly have been the best in my entire life. I had spent a lifetime hiding from love and happiness. The last time I loved, it was ripped away from me at a blink of an eye. I promised I would never be vulnerable enough for that to happen to me again. My heart became callous and cold and that's how I coped with life. I was cynical, sarcastic and blatantly objective to any affection. Even with Joya, I was barely there emotionally. Of course I loved her, but I always refrained myself from being in love with her. While this whole time, I was thinking I was being this brave stone cold warrior, in actuality I was just this scared little girl, scared of love and hurt and pain, until Carter.

I didn't have a choice when Carter and I became mates. I lost the control of my emotions because of the bond. I automatically loved him. It was an immediate warmth that no matter how hard I tried to repress, it didn't subdue. After finally accepting his love for me and my love for him, it was like opening a can of worms. Emotions began to flood fluently without reservation. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and love others without permission. OF course, look where love got me, here. I let my guard down. I tried to do the right thing like healing Cassie. Of course, I do admit that at first I healed her for my own selfish reasons wishing to rid myself of the guilt that I had for letting my brother die. But then after my first visit with her, I did it because I genuinely cared for her and her family. So what if I didn't tell them about my gift. I honestly thought the less they knew the better off they were. Still here they were stuck in this mess of mine.

Truth be told, my thoughts about love were clearly fucked up. I knew that, but it still didn't change the way I felt. I had an inner battle with myself constantly. See, I believed that people loved others because they had to. A mother loves her child because there is a bond created by the goddess. Family love other family members because of the blood they share. Even human Christians love others because their God and his word says to. NO one really loves another by choice. Do they? That's how I always thought. But as I stood there waiting to see my pregnant girlfriend, best friend, I wondered. I always thought Joya loved me because she had no one else to love. Everyone she knew was dead, same as me. So she loved me by default. But calling me back to be with her because she's pregnant proves she loved me.

But, after awhile she won't need me anymore. She will have Carter and their baby and their own little family. I'll just be a side thought, if that. I'm typically not a jealous person, especially not of Joya. But I couldn't help the excruciating pang of jealousy that emanated from my soul. I mean no, I don't like kids. I would even go as far as to say I hated kids. But now that she is pregnant, I also have an indescribable emptiness pitted in my womb. I guess I can understand why the goddess chose Joya to a mother and not me. I mean isn't it obvious. I never had a mother. She was more interested in being "in love" with her mate and left me behind to succumb to my satanic father. What would I know about being a parent right?

"Hey space cadet, can you stop staring off into the abyss and knock on the damn door? The sun is breathing flames down my neck like a dragon."

"I'm not knocking on the door. I live here."

"Technically you don't. You were kicked out."

"Well I was invited back so technically I do numb nuts. Besides, you weren't invited so why are you here?" I finished thinking I had the upper hand.

"Supporting my cousin of course." He responded smirking.

The door opened suddenly and the familiar tantalizing scent of smoldering fire and cooling rain assaulted my senses. My knees buckled subconsciously. I couldn't seem to control the way my body responded. I fell off balance. Then, the all too familiar pricks came, erupting throughout my body.