Dark did it(Darkiplier x Reader)

-Chap 39- Antisepticeyes POV

Warning!

Nsfw, also, blood warning! This chap is meant to show how crazy Anti is! If you hate BLOOD and SADISTIC THOUGHTS, DON'T READ!

I sat there, staring numbly down at the bottle in my hand.

"Should I just end it all?" I thought.

I have nothing to live for... Thousands and millions of years, and none of that time have been as pleasurable as when I was with Holland. The girl that made me fall; the girl that caused me to do good in this complicated world. She's been gone for a while now and I thought that I could live on... But everything appears dull without her.

I should've done it the first time I thought about doing it. It's not like I would've actually died, I would've just been sent back down to eternal damnation. Or worse... I'd be stuck inside of another McLoughlin's head. "Oof." I chugged the drink, tilting my head back and letting the bitter ale slide down my throat.

Even the beer was dull... It doesn't even help me forget anymore...

It doesn't help that she/he now lives here. Every time I seem 'em, I can't help but think of her, Holland. "I miss her so much..." The words, thoughtlessly, came out of my mouth.

As cliche as it sounds, I don't want to live in a world without her. Either way, all of the things that I can do, end me up in a torturesome place. So I guess it doesn't really matter what happens to me... I sighed, rubbing my face with my beer in hand. "Messing with someone else could help distract me for a while..."

If I join someone mentally, I could distract myself from how I truly feel by distracting myself by how they feel. The only thing is... I can only combine with a McLoughlin. The last time I was with one, it was about 1934, and I haven't been a part of them since. Is their family line still even going? The McLoughlin's?

"I should probably look into that..."

I looked down to my left hand, noticing a tiny scar. One so small, that it could be the size of a pebble. I set my beer down and hesitantly brought my fingers down to the scar underneath my thumb. Using my thumbnail, I strongly pressed down into my skin. A silent gash formed, and blood began spilling out.

The red liquid poured out of my body slowly, and my skin stung as I pressed further down into it. I felt myself stab my muscle causing my hand to burn loudly with pain. I sat there senseless, and mute. My mind only focused on one thing. I wanted-- No. Needed more pain. I deserve it after all... And I wanted more of it.

I stood up, pulling my thumb out of my hand. I smelt the fresh blood in the air, and I felt myself smile. Bringing my thumb to my mouth, I licked the sweet liquid off of it. I looked into the mirror facing me, and without another thought, I knew what I was going to do.

With all of my might and strength, I used all of my force to slam myself against the mirror. Breaking it instantly, and causing a loud bang. Glass shards flew in the air, and some were shoved into me. The piercing pain stung as I fell down to the floor. I let out a laugh as I looked at my arm to see multiple large, broken pieces of glass lodged into my bicep. One by one, I pulled the glass out of me; feeling the sharp objects slide out of my body and causing more blood to drain out of me.

The sharp sensation wasn't a feeling that I hadn't felt before, but it did help me remind myself that I was still (sort of) alive. But still... It doesn't have the same effect as it used to. As I said, everything is dull.

I looked down next to me to see a wide but manipulated piece of glass next to me. Swiftly but clumsily, I grabbed the jagged piece. I had no remorse as I watched myself push the piece into my thigh, feeling myself cut and break into my skin like a soft pear. Blood oozed out, and my mind was high with pleasure. It seemed to never end... Gracefully, I carved into my skin.

"Maybe it's time to find the McLoughlin's... " I thought.

Maybe then life won't be so dull. After all, the only thing that kept me here was a promise that I made with Holland a long time ago. But now... Someone else is looking after her/him.

A/N- I guess I should say this now bc I had gotten comments, I AM NOT COPYING ANOTHER STORY. I have a plan with this story, and it is indeed connected to the prelude. I am simply dropping hints here like I will be doing in the Prelude for this story.