Your Song (Shawn Mendes)

Chapter 16

It felt like an eternity and no time at all before Maria finally lifted her head from Shawn's chest. She wiped at the tears still trickling down her face as she spoke, "I'm sorry for breaking down on you like that."

Shawn cracked a small smile and kissed her forehead. "There's nothing to be sorry for. I'd be worried if you didn't break down." 

She snorted a small laugh and stood up, starting to unbutton her vest. "As much as I love being with you right now, I need a shower." She said. She slipped the vest from her arms and threw it onto the couch. "I was on a plane all day before coming here and then Ed just rushed me to the makeup and wardrobe department. I feel... disgusting." He knew it was more than just being on a plane that made her feel 'disgusting' but he didn't push her. She started to walk to the bathroom when she saw her phone resting on the dresser. "You kept my phone?"

He smiled sheepishly, a small blush coating his cheeks. "Yeah, I kinda did something that, to be honest, you could either find really cute or really sad. No in between."

She raised an eyebrow but went over to quickly kiss him. "You're such a dork." She said quietly. "I find everything you do cute." She turned and grabbed her phone before opening the dresser and pulling out one of his Henley shirts. "I'm stealing this for pajamas." He chuckled and shook his head. Without another word, she left for the shower.

*******

Maria smiled when she came out of the shower. She was dressed in Shawn's shirt and the one pair of shorts she had managed to pack in her frantic rush to the airport that morning. Shawn sat in a chair by the window, lightly plucking at his guitar and humming the melody he had shown her in the video. 

He felt her looking at him and turned to her with a smile. "It's not finished yet, but it's getting there." He said. "Andrew's talking about maybe bringing on someone like Julia Michaels to help me finish it up."

"She's really good. I'm happy for you." She responded quietly. 

She fell silent and Shawn put his guitar to the side, watching her twist her fingers even though he still had her rings. He stood up and took one of her hands in his. "Maria, what's going on?" He asked gently. "You promised not to hide anything from me."

"It's just..." She bit her lip, hesitating. He squeezed her hand gently. "Why me?" She reluctantly released his hand and walked over to the window, deliberately avoiding looking at him. "I mean, for God's sake, you're Shawn freaking Mendes! You could have your pick of literally any girl in the world! So I'm just wondering why you want me. Why would an international superstar with millions of girls, and let's be real guys, lining up for him want a fucked up mess of a girl?"

She leaned her forehead against the glass and wrapped her arms around herself like she was trying to keep herself from shattering. Shawn felt his own heart break at the sight. He knew this would happen. With everything she'd been through, there was going to be insecurities about their relationship.

"I'm not gonna argue the fact that there are millions of my fans who want to be with me because there are. Trust me, I've seen their tweets." He said finally. He slowly walked over and wrapped his arms around her waist. "But I only want one girl in this entire world."

"But why?" She all but shouted, forehead still against the glass.

He quickly turned her around to face him, pressing her against the glass. He cupped her face softly in his hands to keep her dark eyes on his honey brown ones. She braced her hands on his elbows as if to tether herself to reality. "Because only one girl pours her soul into her music, whether it be violin, guitar, singing, anything." He explained, "Only one girl makes me feel complete when I have her in my arms. Only one girl has the strength to piece herself back together after walking through hell and back." He leaned their foreheads together. "And only one girl has enough of my heart to make it crack and shatter when she's hurt."

Tears glittered in her eyes and she took his hands in hers, lowering them from her face. "He still has so much control over me." She said, her voice barely above a whisper. "He still controls how I think, what I feel... He still has me."

He stayed silent as she released one of his hands to lift up the corner of his shirt. His eyes widened. She had said she had a tattoo on her ribcage but never showed it until now. Running along the bottom of her ribs were the words 'But you still have all of me' designed to look as if someone had cut them with a knife.

"Maria," He said quietly. She shivered lightly when she felt his fingertips brush over the ink. "It'll get better."

She clenched her eyes shut and leaned her head back against the glass. "I've heard that so many times in my life. And every time it seems like it is getting better, life turns around and kicks me back to the starting line. I'm so tired of it."

Shawn lifted her head to bring her into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck, grateful for the sound of the heartbeat she had gotten so familiar with. "I'm not gonna promise you that there aren't gonna be times where you feel like that because there are. We're gonna disagree and fight like any other couple, we might argue with our parents like normal teenagers, you might relapse in recovery, anything. But I can promise you that at the end of every day, I'll be right next to you to remind you where you truly stand in the race."

He felt the tension in the room relax when she smiled against his chest. He tightened his grip on her waist and pressed a kiss to her hair. "Shawn?" He hummed in response. "I hate to ruin this moment but I think that song would sound better on an electric."

He laughed a little, glad to finally be rid of the tension. "I've told you it's not finished." He reluctantly released her to turn and sit on the bed.

"And I just told you that from what I've heard, the song will sound better on an electric guitar." She shot back. She climbed onto the bed to sit next to him. She curled herself against his side and laid her head on his shoulder. "The acoustic can be in the background but the electric guitar should be front and center."

He rolled his eyes but he smiled that she was still his Maria. "We'll talk about this after the tour finishes." She smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him closer to her. The last thing she felt before sleep took over was Shawn putting an arm around her shoulders.