Your Song (Shawn Mendes)

Chapter 24

Maria groaned as the morning sun hit her face. Her head felt like a bag of rocks was being tossed around her skull and she was still in her clothes from last night. She looked to the other side of the bed to find Shawn's spot empty and her heart dropped a bit, remembering what happened last night. The words still hurt even thinking about them.

She quickly took the Advils on the table and changed into comfy clothes. She took a deep breath and looked at her reflection in the mirror. You knew this would happen eventually. She told herself mentally. You want to be with Shawn, you'll have to take the good and the bad. You can't live in the honeymoon stage.

She took another breath and went downstairs. She froze and tears burned in her eyes when she heard Shawn playing an all too familiar song in his home studio, 

I get worried
I might lose you a little
Every time we
Every time we argue and get caught up in the moment

He faltered and stopped, breaking Maria out of her trance. She straightened her shoulders and knocked on the door before opening it. Shawn stood and for a moment, they just looked at each other. Maria bit her lip and dropped her gaze to the floor. "I don't want to argue." She said finally, shattering the silence. "I don't want to fight. I don't like it. I don't like when we scream at each other."

"I don't either." Shawn responded. 

She nodded. "I think it's time to talk." He nodded. She took a seat on the chair across from him and took a deep breath. "I just want one simple answer, Shawn. Did you mean what you said?"

"No, of course I didn't." He answered without a beat of hesitation. He ran his hands through his hair. "I hated myself the second it was out of my mouth."

She nodded. "But do you honestly understand how much that hurt?" Tears glittered in her eyes. "Shawn, these aren't just insecurities. There's a part of me that's terrified every day since we got together."

He went to kneel in front of her, placing his hands gently on her knees. "What are you talking about, Maria?" He asked, partially scared of the answer.

She clenched her eyes shut and a tear leaked between her lashes. "Every day for the year we've been together, I've been terrified that one morning you're going to wake up and realize that I'm not good enough, that you could do so much better. When the media started speculating on whether you and Hailey hooked up, the first thought I had was 'oh my God. This is it. He's finally realized the truth' and that petrified me. Then you came home and said... that and I just snapped. I'm terrified because you can break me with a snap of your fingers. I love you that much."

Shawn had tears burning in his own eyes. "I love you that much too, Maria." He said quietly. "It's the reason I hated myself after I said those things. I told you after the VMAs that you are the only one who can make me hurt when you're hurting." He cautiously cupped her cheek in his hand to bring her forward and touch her forehead to his. "I don't want anything better because there is nothing better than you. If you don't believe me, I will spend every day for as long as it takes to remind you that I am not going anywhere unless you tell me to. I love you, Maria. More than anything." Tears trickled down his face. "I am so sorry for everything that happened last night. It should've never happened."

"I forgive you, Shawn." She all but whispered. "If only because I know there's going to come a time where I say something I don't mean and I'll want you to forgive me."

"I will." Shawn said, locking his honey brown eyes onto her dark ones. "Because I could never let you leave without breaking my own heart." He pulled her into a loving kiss. 

She pulled away and smiled softly. "If we're doing a confessional, I have something else to tell you." He raised an eyebrow. "I didn't stay back from the MET Gala just because I was sick or because I wanted to continue moving in. I was working on a special present slash project for you."

"What are you talking about?" Shawn chuckled a bit.

Maria smirked a bit. "I've been in contact with some very talented people since just after the release of In My Blood to put together... I guess you could call it a tribute to your new album." He furrowed his eyebrows. She smirked again and tapped his nose. "And that's all I'm going to tell you as it is a surprise." He groaned playfully and she giggled. "Just watch my Instagram and/or Twitter about a week before the album comes out."

He nodded and pecked her lips, happy to be rid of the tension from before. He wasn't lying. He hated fighting with her. It broke his heart when they did, especially one as big as last night's. Seeing her that vulnerable reminded him of when he compared her to the wolf pup they had seen in Germany. He smiled to himself as an idea came to his head.

*******

Maria couldn't help but smirk as she scrolled through Twitter later that night. After they had made up, apparently both she and Shawn thought it was appropriate to tweet out lyrics they believed matched the situation.

@mariasmusic: The truth is that I never ever wanna hurt you baby but it'd be nice to know that I could #cassadeepope

@shawnmendes: Life is very short and there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend #thebeatles

The fans had made the connection (it didn't help that they both retweeted and favorited the other) and now were in a frenzy asking what was going on between them. Maria snorted a laugh as she read through some of the responses (quite a few using all caps). Shawn came to sit on the couch next to her and glanced over at the screen, laughing as well.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her temple lightly. She smiled, resting her head on his shoulder. Yeah, she definitely preferred this to fighting.