Villain deku- you can't be a hero.

A taste of the past

A/n: who knows how long I'll keep this up. I need a little advice from my readers here though, and it honestly has nothing to do with this story. I've been suicidal for about three years now, and it's time I come clean to my mother about it. But no matter how I try to tell her the words never come out. I can't keep pretending like nothing is wrong and take hits (no not physical) like there's no tomorrow. So, anyone here know how?

Back to story info, Izumi has a fragmented memory so she can't really remember any of her past other than the things that the villains thought would be useful.

Izumi PoV
I wasn't sure why I felt the need to protect the villains, maybe it was because they were all I knew, or maybe it was something else. S.    T.   A.   L.  K.  H.  O.  L. M. S.  Y.  N.  D.  R.  O. M. E. So without an answer I attempted to speak again "why?" My voice was still very hard to use, but I at least could. Naomasa responded with, "yes, why are you protecting them?" I looked down at myself and simply thought why? So many thoughts came rushing in, thoughts I didn't dare think in the possession of the league. Why? Why did any of this happen, who was I who is kaa chan? Why did I always call out for him when I was punished? I was so confused and scared. Months of suppressing my feelings into the deepest corners of my heart were all coming back to me all at once.

"Iz......mi"
"Izumi"
"Izumi!?"
I looked back at the detectives.
"Izumi are you alright?"
"No" I said trying so hard to sound what I thought was normal.
"Izumi what is your real name?" Naomasa asked, and without my consent the words formed in my mouth, "Izuku Midoriya." My eyes widened as clamped my teeth shut. "Mr. Midoriya why were you with the league?" I shook my head, "don't call me that." That's the name he called me. "Don't call me by that name," Naomasa looked at me surprised by my reaction. "Why, is izuku better?" I nearly flinched at the name, "no izuku is far far worse." That's what that man called me. "Please, no more questions.... no more." At this point the memories of the torture were flooding in one by one. Naomasa said something I couldn't hear to the other detective, then looked at me and said, "we can tell you are having a hard time, well give you a few minutes." The two then left the room.

Alone, finally. I was trying to forget all the terrible things that had happened to me, even for just a second but, that was the opposite of my quirk. So instead of embracing the peace I was surrounded with, I endured the pain of reliving my every memory. Until I noticed something odd in one, in a recent one. A young man, that was familiar in the crowd of UA students, one who looked at me up and down, and back up again muttering to himself. One who was about to say something but didn't. Who was that? Did I know them? I soon wrote off the thought, because my quirk made me remember everything. Just then a nurse entered the room, with a tray of food. None of which looked even remotely edible. I mean who is supposed to eat little round disks covered with a strange golden sap like thing? "What is that?" I asked in a monotone voice. "Pancakes? You don't know what pancakes are?" I was even more confused, "what is a cake?" The nurse was dumbfounded, here was a teenage kid, who didn't even know what cakes were. "Can't I just have coffee? That's all I eat until after lessons." Even after lessons I didn't eat much, it would slow me down if I had to fight. "Lessons? Coffee? Dear, I'm afraid you need to eat. Just by the looks of you I can tell you're underweight. Goodness, kids these days and not eating." I didn't understand what she meant and honestly didn't want to eat this strange substance, "ok but can I at least have coffee?" If I had to eat it, it had to at least be with coffee. "Sure dear." The nurse said in a slightly bitter tone.

After a few minutes of mindless staring at the pancakes, my mind revisited the strange UA student. Blonde spiky hair? It stood out to me, I didn't know it at the time,but I was experiencing nostalgia. And quite a bit. The nurse walked in with a cup of steaming coffee and set it on my tray, quickly walking out afterwards, as the detectives walked in with eraser head. "Now we know you need to use your hands to eat, so we brought in eraser head for security. Is it ok for me to touch your arm?" I gave a small nod. He picked up my arm and put his thumb print on a small glass screen in the handcuffs, unlocking them almost instantly. I held my hands up to my face, and asked something, "do you mind if I don't look at any of you?" As strange as the question seemed, it honestly helped me keep  calm a lot. "Yees?" Responded Naomasa. I closed my eyes and grabbed my coffee. "Now let's get started." Said saki. "Young man, your response to your name was concerning, is it because of the league?" I nodded. It's his fault. "Did they do something to make you fear your name?" I stopped for a second to think before nodding. I didn't know if fear was quite the word, but the quirk didn't stop me so I assumed it worked. At that point even eraser head wanted to know what happened to me. "Can you tell us what else they did?" My voice still didn't quite work all the way, but this question even made me open my my eyes, "my gender." I didn't want to explain unless I had to. "They made you fear your... gender?" I opened my eyes a little more to look at him, "hate." My voice was returning fast. I hated it. "They made you hate your gender?" "How?" I closed my eyes and sighed. "So, so many things.... they did so much." So this is what they do. Lure you into a false Spence of security in order to break you. Bastards. I didn't like talking but they wanted more. "What were these things?" One of the detectives asked before eraser head asked something. "Kid, how old are you?" I was puzzled. I didn't know what that meant, yet I did. "How... old?" I opened my eyes wide, and looked down, repeating "how old?" "How old?" "How old" "HOw old?" It was almost as if I was a broken toy, then again saying that isn't inaccurate. After what felt like hours of thinking I snapped out of it because eraser head was yelling at me, "Hey kid, calm down. It's just your age." In my head I was still screaming because of this atrocity. I remembered everything, so why was this any different. Why could I only grasp at little things. "My age? Why don't I understand? Why don't I remember? This isn't right it doesn't make sense."

No one in the room knew what to do with me. I wasn't something they dealt with on a regular basis. Nurses began to rush in because my erratic state and eraser head was preparing to use his quirk on me if needed, but I was only growing more and more unstable. "I can't forget, it's the one thing I can't do! Why don't I know?" I had begun to yell and was also starting to flip between genders. It all stopped when they put a small shot of tranquilizer into my bloodstream. I awoke to more detectives and not just ereserhead but almight and another hero. "Kid, we are all here to help you, don't be alarmed." I was scared confused and for some reason I little sad. And in that state my filter broke. "Oh like hell you are. They told me about you bastards. You just want to lure me into a false sense of security so you can break me and learn all about the league then toss me aside to rot in a dark cell." My voice had returned fully and was cold and ruthless. They found it hard to believe it came from some teenage kid. "My boy, what are you talking about?" Naomasa was equally confused. "You said it yourself that you've only been in the lead a short time, how is it you don't know about hero's?" I wasn't sure they were telling the truth, but I did think about what he said. And it did make me question the villains. "What do you mean?" I decided to ask. "Kid, you know that hero's are the good days that protect people, right?" I just looked at him, not bothering to give a comment on his blatant lies. "What exactly did they do to you in the league?" Naomasa asked firing his quirk to its full extent, making me tell the truth, even from the deepest parts of my memory they I couldn't even access. "At first they kidnapped me, then they tortured me ruthlessly for months, even resorting to regular rape. It was every day. Sometimes even all day. I was barely alive, then they made me forget things, gave me quirks, and made me a puppet to do their dirty work." My trance like state broke as the room fell silent and grim.

A/N : How was that? It's been a while but I'm trying to survive the school year. And yes by survive I do actually mean not die.