Villain deku- you can't be a hero.

The truth is bitter

So... it's taking me a long time to write this. I'll be damn straight (this is a first) with y'all. Previous chapters and my reallly cringey announcements. Umm I guess I kinda calmed down a bit? Like don't get me wrong I'm still a angsty/depressed little shit. But daaaaaamn I like don't even want to look at the previous chapters they're so cringeworthy. So umm yeah. I wrote bad smut, found out oops not ace just a lesbian, cringed at my writing, continued writing. This book is a disaster, I don't see how any of you can like it. Anyway, I'm writing a better villain deku AU check it out. And yeah... so.

Izumi pov
I woke up around dusk, Recovery girl was gone. When I sat up, my head was tremendously heavy. Because I was no longer connected to any equipment I got out of bed. I couldn't help but feel responsible for the mess. I went to go pick up my hair when I suddenly felt how full my stomach was. Worthless, my head rang, you don't deserve food. You're just a sick excuse for a human being. "No," I cried out, "no not again" it was surrounding me. My mind flashed with images of blood on my hands. "No!" I cried. I ran into the bathroom and threw up what little had been put into my stomach that day, mostly bile and water came up. When I left the bathroom recovery girl was back. She stood tapping her foot with her arms crossed looking for an explanation. "I suddenly felt sick... so I went into the bathroom," I lied. She sighed, presumably accepting the answer. "Why were you out of bed young lady?" She asked me in a stern, yet loving tone. It almost made me want to sob again.

"Well... it's just that I um... I wanted to collect my hair for you so it wasn't such a mess..." I told her looking down. She pulled me back to the bed and told me to sit, she wanted to talk. "Izumi," She Said, "earlier you said some troubling things. You also acted in a very worrisome manner. After speaking with the principal and some others whom are in charge of you, it has been decided that you will undergo quirk training and therapy. We just don't think you can handle all this trauma on your own." I was a little stunned by the suddenness of all this, but it wasn't unexpected. "I understand, it is a perfectly reasonable solution. After all, I did have a panic attack and go crazy so..." I was fidgeting with my hands and looking at the floor in different places. The situation was to say the least unclear for me. I understood that I needed help, but I didn't really know what it was that I needed help with. The voice returned, although somewhere older now, you really don't get it? We need help because we are not one. We should be one collective voice. But we aren't, we are two separate entities in one body. And also the quirk. He made sense. I suddenly blurted out, "the voice is smarter than me." I didn't even think before saying that. I didn't want to tell Recovery girl that, but I somehow it felt right to say. She looked alarmed, "the... voice? You're hearing voices?" I nodded. She ran to her computer and typed something. I can only assume it was an email. "Is... is hear hearing a vo voice bad?" I asked her, stuttering like a nervous wreak. "Only if what it tells you is bad." She told me, her motherliness retuned. "What does the voice sound like to you?" She asked. I looked down and thought hard about how to explain him, "he umm he kinda sounds like he's hurt. But he's the same age as me I think. I mean he told me that we shouldn't be separate. That we should be one collective thought. Oh and he sounds nice too, he's soft. It kinda makes me want to protect him, like he's something meant to be cared for and nurtured. I don't really understand it..." she looked at me for a moment then said, "The reason you want to protect him... there are two possible reasons really. One is that you are a kind person who heard a hurt person and wanted to help and the other is..." she stopped talking before finishing her sentence. Did she not want me to know? I asked the voice in my head, his response was probably. She must not want to startle or upset you.

Um hey, Izumi when did you and I separate? The voice asked. "I-I remember when I was a boy a little but I think I felt separated from him. Maybe we separated during the torture but I didn't take control until we were a villain." I told him silently. Recovery girl stood up and told us, "come along Izumi, you have a therapy session to go to." That was fast. Do you think they'll have a problem with us?

I walked along with Recovery girl in unsettlingly empty halls. Life had vanished, yet somehow managed to stay. It was cold, or maybe I was just cold. My hair followed us, like a snake. "Recovery girl? About my hair..." I said before she realized it was stretching the entire hallways length. "I'll talk to support about that, for now focus on therapy and try to ignore it.... actually, Izumi can you control your hair?" I was confused. "Co control?" I asked. "Like a muscle sweetheart. Try to move it." I closed my eyes and thought for a moment, before a sort of orb appeared in my mind. I stretched my hand out to it, and I could suddenly feel all my hair as if they were limbs. Like clenching a fist i pulled them in closer. When my eyes opened I found that I had ankle length ringlet curls. I looked up at a surprised recovery girl, and told her, "I do have control over my hair, I can actually feel each piece like a limb now."

It was strange, being in this place. As I felt almost trust for these people, dark thoughts loomed in my mind, re asserting themselves every time I tried to get close. The one who disintegrates all I love would eventually find me. And if I grew to care for all them, they'd be taken in a slow painful way. Looking back, I understand completely why all the hero's worried for me when I was there. A small emaciated teenager who had grown gender dysphoria and learned to hater herself and trusted no one. I was a full package. And once they found out I was originally quirk less and a hero fanboy they decided to reform me. In that moment as I walked barefoot in the halls of UA on my way to therapy, a thought suddenly drifted into my mind, one that would haunt me forever. What if they force me to kill them? I stopped walking. The hero's they were so kind to me, me being here would only hurt them. Recovery girl said something to me, but I didn't hear her. I was too busy focusing on the nightmare in my head. Started to walk again, but very much still in my own world. When we got to therapy I was absolutely cut off to the world around me. My vision had gone dark, I only heard muffled voices. I felt a ginger hand touch me, it brought me back to the world of the living, surrounded by very worried hero's.

The principal, Nezu came up to me. He told me, "I understand what you must be going through. If you would want to spend time with someone who was once in a similar situation my door is always open." I was surprised. Nezu, I had heard, almost never takes a liking to humans. Then again I wasn't exactly real good at being one. I didn't want to admit it, but I was- I am a nomu. A very high functioning nomu. I was probably the only fully sentient nomu to date. But that didn't help me. Aizawa came up to me after Nezu left, and said, "I see you figured out how to control your hair. Try not to let it out of control again." And then he moved over next to the door.

They had me sit on the leather sofa, and the teachers were asked to leave during therapy. This is weird I thought. Therapy was uncomfortable to say the least. I spent 3 hours talking as little as I could. And the voice in my head decided he would help me. We gave short answers to short questions.

Eventually they let us leave, but to recovery girls office for the rest of the day/night. It was going to be a very long night,