Mrs. Independent: Part Two

Chapter Five: Speaking Up

Chapter Five: Speaking Up

My Mom, Claire, Caroline and I are in my kitchen making dinner. The kids are playing with their toys and my four are doing whatever. Emma is playing with Liam and Caroline's nine year old daughter Rachel. All the guys are talking amongst themselves and my mind is full of thoughts, like the fact that my Mom is jumping into a marriage with a man she hardly knows. Like how I haven't been in a room alone with my brother in over six years. Like my parents divorce, and my Dad in the hamptons of Long Island raising another woman's daughter. The girl is younger than Caiden.
I start to feel guilty for wanting everyone to go home. I just want to cuddle with Josh and watch something. Maybe we can find Drake and Josh. Something easy. Comfortable.
"Kate?"
My head snaps up at the sound of my nickname, my eyes locking on the brown eyes of my brother.
"Yeah?"
"Can I talk to you?" He asks. "Like...alone."
What?
"Uh...yeah." I wash my hands at the sink and dry them, and then I turn around and catch Josh's eye from across the room. He shrugs in response to the question I didn't have to ask.
What does he want?
"Where?" I ask him.
"It's your house." He replies.
Hesitating, I lead him downstairs to the basement. We have a sitting room in here and a pool table, but nobody ever touches it. I'm sure the kids will hang out down here when they get a bit older.
He shuts the door to the basement staircase and then goes down the steps.
I walk over to the couch and wrap my arms around myself.
The basement is usually good at blocking out the sounds of the house, and right now is no different.
"Listen," Liam hesitates. "I've, um, been struggling for years and I mean, only Caroline really knows how I've been feeling. I've been upset about it and she keeps telling me to talk to you and I've been scared to say anything." He toes at the carpet. "But you and I used to be close. Really close, especially before Alex. We used to stay up until three in the morning with Ryan and watch shows. We spent the night in each other's rooms on Christmas. And when you moved in with Alex and you left, everything changed. You changed. You didn't come over anymore and I never saw you. We didn't speak. When we were young we used to sit in the backyard and pour water in the dirt to make mud and drive our hot wheels through it. And it was fun. And we would sit for hours in my bedroom and build lego houses. Claire played sometimes but it was you and I. We were first. And when you came back to the house after Alex and you went to rehab, when you came in my room and asked for a phone case, I would have just given it to you, but I wanted to hang out, so I made you take me to the gas station. I wanted to be close again, like we used to, but the next thing I know you cut out the family and were in the city. And then you let them back in and you got Josh and then you cut us out again, and now we're in and we've been in as long as you've been married, and it's great. It's nice knowing you still talk to us. But I just..." he takes a deep breath and he looks like he's holding something back.
"You just what?" I ask quietly.
"I just, when you found Josh...it's like the rest of us disappeared. We at least spoke, but don't you remember all the family fights? When Ryan was in the living room and everyone was trying to force information out of you? I was on your side. I was always on your side. When you were gone with Alex and when you came back and went to rehab, I prayed for you every night. Every single night. And then you let us in and I was so fucking excited because I knew that meant I would see you at least for holidays, but then you got Josh."
I hesitate.
"And?" I ask. I'm not sure what else to say.
"And...you just, you dropped everyone."
I take a step back.
"I didn't drop everyone."
"Please don't get mad." He says. "But you did, Katherine. You did. Think about it. Ryan pissed you off and you dropped him. You just...you turned to him for everything, and I'm happy for you, you guys are great. I stayed quiet at first because it was a new relationship, and then I stayed quiet because you were newlyweds, and then I stayed quiet because you were new parents together, and then I kept quiet because Caiden was young, and then you got pregnant with Matt, and then Bryson, and then Emma, and then I figured it was too late. I thought you'd come around eventually, but now your youngest is ten and you haven't spoken to Ryan. You never talk to me."
I look down.
"I didn't mean to drop everyone. And Josh didn't push me to do it."
"Oh, I know he didn't, that man loves you. I trust him. He's my brother." He shrugs. "Josh is my brother, and this has nothing to do with him. This has to do with the fact that, that you were so happy that you finally found somebody good, that you forgot about everyone you had before."
We're both quiet, and I'm just not sure what to say.
"I'm not trying to make you feel bad." He says. "I just...I miss you. I don't like seeing you on holidays only."
I look down.
"Liam, I thought you never talked to me because you were worried I'm still the person I used to be." He starts shaking his head, but I continue. "And only Josh knows this, but I feel like everyone still thinks I'm that person."
He sighs.
"I never thought of you as a bad person. You have been, and always will be, my big sister. You were never a drug addict or anything like that. Not to me. You just went through a hard time."
I'm quiet for a moment, and then I step forward and hug him. He hugs me back, but it only lasts a second before I step back and ruffle his hair, messing it all up.
"Stop it!" He swats my hands away.
"I may be short, but I can still beat your ass." I say.
"Whatever, asshole."
"Dick." I say back. We both laugh, and then I sigh. "Listen, back when Josh and I started dating, I was different. Really different. I didn't realize I cut you off, so I'm sorry. Wanna make a pact?"
"What kind of pact?"
"We have to see each other and get together for dinner at least once a month." I say. "With all the kids. It bothers me that Rachel and Emma aren't as close as they could be. They're so close in ages."
"I agree." He says. "Let's do it."
I hear the basement door open, and then, "Mom?!" Bryson bellows down the staircase.
"What?" I holler back.
"Nana needs help in the kitchen! She's looking for something and Dad doesn't know where it is!"