Rewrite Your Happiness (A Ryan Ross Fanfiction)

If You Love Me Let Me Go

"This is what you wanted, right? You wanted him to be oh-so-happy. That positive influence always comes with a negative kickback for universal balance. I guess you could say it was all worth it to make your wish come true." The witch's words screamed louder in my ears.

"Ghahhhhhh!" I wailed as I fell to my knees, face sopping wet with tears. Get out of my head. Get out of my head! My brain felt like it could explode. I couldn't breathe. Brendon was in the hospital because of my thoughtless wish to change Ryan's destiny. None of this should have happened, especially Brendon. He should have been living the dream he had planned from the very beginning, singing, writing songs, and making depressed individuals happier.

"Elise, wait! I need you to breathe for me. Babe, I don't understand what you're saying. What happened? Talk to me."

My hands were over my face. Through my fingers, I could see Ryan kneeling down in front of me looking spooked as fuck. I couldn't help it. I was overwhelmed by all that I was processing in the moment. I was scaring him, but my desire to go home was becoming stronger. I put my arm out in front of him, keeping a small distance. "Please, let me go home. I can't do it anymore. I'm toxic. I was never meant to be here. A-And because of it...it's all my f-f-fault!"

"Are you talking about a dream you had...or Brendon? He's going to be fine. We warned him before he left this could happen and it did so—"

"Don't you dare put the blame on Brendon! You don't know how things were supposed to be. I tried changing that to make you happy and it cost our best friend his dream and his dignity. It's all my—"

"Elise, shut UP! You aren't making sense. What are you talking about? You act like this every time something doesn't go down your way. Why do you blame yourself for the odds of reality?"

"Because it wasn't supposed to be like this! Brendon wasn't supposed to be—" I turned away. "You and I weren't..."

Ryan frowned. "We we weren't supposed to what?"

"You wouldn't even begin to understand even if I tried to explain myself." I sniffed, starring up at the streetlight. I wouldn't expect anyone to believe, much less make sense of, any of my life until now.

"Let me be the judge of that." I heard Ryan say firmly behind me. "I asked you to marry me, not just because I loved you, but because you always made me question my own logic constantly." He gently put a hand on my shoulder. My heart skipped a beat. "You've always had some sort of understanding about the world. Like you somehow had it all figured out, even if nothing worked out. I've always felt that about you, like life was a cakewalk of great expectations. But now, since Brendon came back...it's gone. And I'd do anything to know what's really bothering you." Ryan stopped out of breath. I could hear him shakily inhaling through his nose. "Elise...I'd...like you tell me what's going on. For your sake, I have a right to know."

I turned around, looking him in the eyes. They were hazy but not with tears. More like I had stolen their light and he wanted me to give some back. Sadly, for both of us, I'd be keeping it all after tonight.

He wanted to know, but could I really tell him every single detail of my journey that led me to where I was now? No, I couldn't involve him in such a convoluted mess I'd lived for the past six year. I was about to refuse, but Ryan cupped his hands around mine. My breathing slowed as I focused on the now. If I wanted to go home, that was to only option.