Cassandra Book 2 (A Doctor Who Fanfic)

Chapter 12 Home

I watched the flames move in the mantelpiece, as I sat on the couch facing towards it in the Library. I sat there alone just thinking to myself. I broke down once again, I seemed to be doing that a lot more recently. I said I wouldn't let it take over me and I do have hope that we can figure out a way that could help me take control of my mind, other than the alternative the Doctor told me on boxing day morning, but it would happen again wouldn't it. I would break down again, I would get mad, I would find myself useless, I wouldn't function. I know I wasn't it, no one is useless, but just because I kept telling myself that, didn't mean I couldn't stop feeling it. I was tired. Since Christmas, I have not had a proper sleep and it was starting to affect me. Affect me to a point were, I was actually wondering if I should go back. Go back home. Not forever, I wouldn't allow myself to do that... but until my mind is well enough... I could cause more problems... If I stayed. I keep breaking down when there is danger afoot, and my on life is risking everybody else's. I pulled my knees closer to me on the couch, hugging them with my arms. If I were to do that though, it means not being with the Doctor and Rose. While I loved everyone on earth, these two people were the ones I found I couldn't live without, I could stay here, stay in the Tardis as the Doctor works, and goes on adventures with Rose, but in the end, I knew I would just end up feeling trapped inside here. While I loved the Tardis I knew I couldn't spend all my time inside her, it would cause me to feel mad in a different way. If I was home there may be a chance that I wouldn't wait that long, I mean the Doctor had a time machine, if he found something out that could help me, he could come back even seconds I was dropped off, but then I would feel bad about doing that. This was my problem not his, I couldn't just give it all to him to do the work, even though he knows way more stuff then I do. I didn't know what to do, and I kept thinking about it, I would make myself worse again. I held on to me tighter, as I shoved my head into my knees and let out a muffled noise, annoyed at myself for not coming up with a decision.

Soon I heard music starting to play, a song I remember clearly as The Gypsy, by Louis Armstrong. I lift my head from my knees to look where the Record player was to see The Doctor standing there.

"Would you like to dance?" He asks, pointing to the Gramophone, knowing that music always calms me down, especially Jazz.

"How long have you been here?" I questioned quietly but slowly went to get up and take the Doctor's hand.

"Not too long, I believe." I thought about it, and I smiled a small smile.

"The Tardis told you I was here. Didn't she?" I asked him.

"She can enter your mind, she knows when you're not feeling well." He did not deny, spinning me around.

"Guess she believes I needed someone at this moment," I commented.

"Do you?" It was his turn to ask a question and I just shrugged.

"I will find a way to clear your head." He spoke in determination.

"I know. I know." I repeated. "Thank you..."

"But..." The Doctor knows there was a pause as if she wanted to say something else.

"I haven't done anything myself, I feel like all the works on you," I told him, trying to think about how she wants to say what she wants to say. "I know I am not useless, but that doesn't mean I don't feel like it."

"Do you want to go back home?" The Doctor suddenly asks and I just shook my head, and let out a slight laugh.

"The Tardis told you that as well, didn't she?" I responded, quickly glance at the ground as we danced before looking up. "I don't know. I know I don't want this to rule me, but it is. I don't want to break down again in dangerous situations. It seems like our medication at the moment isn't working as planned. It would be safer, I don't want to go back home, but I don't want..."

"You don't want to put anyone in danger for you." The doctor spoke up knowing what I was going to say, and I tried to smile slightly.

"I don't mind the danger, I have grown to love the thrill of the adventures we've been on... I just need to find myself again." I admitted.

"Rose and I will help you." He told me.

"I know you will. Rose already said she would as well." I stated, and we were silent for a moment as the song change from Gypsy to Lazy River. "I love this song." I couldn't help but grin the moment I heard Louis Armstrong say yeah. "Louis Armstrong, gotta love his music." I changed the subject.

"The best of the Decca years." The Doctor named the record.

"Volume 1 The singers." I finished. "Made in the year my mother gave birth to me, though truthfully I wonder what year I would have been from."

"Probably would have been the year the time war started, it would be the only time your mother could have ran as later in the war, the timelords were deadlocked from travelling through time during the war." He lectured.

"My mum knew about the war before the war happened." I thought about it. "I don't know why I think that, but I just do."

"No that would make sense. If what you signalled to back at the estate was true." He stated, and I thought back to what he could be talking about, before feeling my hearts beat faster.

"Psychics." I realised. "Can timelords be Psychics?"

"Yes, but very rarely and it normally happens to those that look into the vortex, and they get taken by the council at a young age. It also only happens to the said person themselves and doesn't go down generations. From what you told me, it seemed you grandfather hid your mother away from the time council, so she must have not looked into the time vortex, plus if your grandmother had that ability there wouldn't have been a chance for your mother to be born." He explained to me, as we stopped dancing.

"But there was something special about them, and I feel it too, I see things." I returned.

"You looked into the Vortex, there is a possibility of you being one, even if it is so rare." He answered.

"But that doesn't explain my family, what else could they have that the time council would want?" I questioned. "Are you sure that it only occurs to people who look into the vortex?" He thought for a while before answering my question.

"I mean... there could be a chance." He shrugged. "No one really talks all that much about psychics, we can time travel! We didn't really care. We could see it for ourselves!"

"So it is still a mystery then." I sighed. "Well, I guess that seems to be my life at the moment." I rubbed my head, frowning.

"But then again saying that!" He started, quickly not wanting me to be sad, about what he did not know. He quickly moved away from me and signalled to the Library were in. "I am sure I have some Gallifreyan books in here that can help."

"There Gallifreyan," I commented with a sad smile. I may be a timelord, but I am still from Earth, and Earth is the Language I speak and read. The Tardis never translated the Gallifreyan books for anybody else to read. It was expected though I mean what does a species that has the power to time travel write down.

"I'll teach you." He told me and I quickly looked back from the books to him.

"Really?" I questioned.

"Well, it technically is your language too, you should have the right to know it but..." He drifted off.

"What?" I asked worriedly wanting to know the what the but was.

"I can only teach you if you decide to stay." He brought up, which made me relieved the moment he said it, before turning around again.

"It could hurt my brain." I reasoned.

"It might give you something else to focus on." He returned. "Like how some people tell people to count when stressed. You could always try and remember our alphabet." and I looked away slightly thinking.

"I guess it is worth a try."