(A/N) I'm so so sorry for the long wait between chapters but I've been so busy lately with exams, issues with my family and friends and I've just generally been really tied up so I haven't been able to update. I'm honestly so sorry, I feel so terrible for abandoning you all but I just didn't feel up to writing and I'd rather write a (hopefully) good chapter a bit late than a really shitty chapter really soon after the last one I posted. I've been getting a lot of messages recently asking me if I'm okay and telling me to take my time if I need to and honestly that makes me feel so much better! So thankyou all so so much for being so supportive and not hating me, it actually makes me feel so happy knowing I'm (hopefully) not annoying you or making you feel like I'm neglecting you. Anyway I'm going to get on with the chapter now aha, sorry for the mega long author's note, I just wanted to explain myself to you all. Thankyou all for understanding and I hope you all understand! ALSO I have nearly 20 THOUSAND READS ON THIS STORY! I just want to thank you all for getting me to this point and I genuinely appreciate it so so much, I love you all SO MUCH!!!!
P.S. (IMPORTANT!!!) There is potentially triggering content in this chapter so if you get upset by panic attacks and them being described then I suggest you skip over the paragraph beginning with 'I began to beg...'
Alanis' POV
I honestly didn't know what to think. I know I'm supposed to believe Alex and trust him but after everything he's put me through, I just can't help but let the past cloud my judgement. I decided to try and sleep so that I could clear my mind and so that I wouldn't do anything I would regret later on.
I woke up the following morning, knowing what I had to do. I rolled out of my bed and pulled my dressing gown on over what I had slept in. I stepped into the hall outside my apartment and was shocked to see Alex's door was still ajar, just as I'd left it when I had left the night before. I pushed the door open hesitantly and peeked around the corner to see Alex passed out on the floor, bottle in hand. I sprinted over to him and shook him, in a desperate attempt to pull him out of his unconscious state.
'Alex? Please wake up, please!'
I began to beg, not knowing what else to do. So many different thoughts ran through my head, how it was my fault, how I could have helped, how I should've listened. My breaths became shorter and faster and I could feel the anxiety that I had tried to repress for so many years attempting to claw its way back into my brain. I started to cry, feeling a panic attack rapidly approaching. I tried to calm myself, but the methods I had used when I'd had panic attacks years ago seemed to slip away from me. I tried the classic 'breathe deeply' method but to no avail. My vision became cloudy and I could feel my chest tightening, almost so I couldn't breathe. My whole body was shaking and it felt like someone was squeezing my heart so much I almost thought I was having a heart attack. I tried to move away from Alex, scared I would lash out at him, but as I lurched forward, the world seemed to spin ten times faster than it should have and I could feel bile rising in my throat. My head lolled back as I became aware of how heavy it was, before I let out a pathetic sob and my body crashed to the floor. I led there, a crumpled heap, trying to steady my breathing but nothing seemed to work. I felt trapped and it wasn't until I felt Alex's leg move beneath me that things started looking up.
'Arielle? I thought I told you to fu-'
I heard Alex gasp as he realised that it was me and he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me onto his chest. I'm not too sure how he knew what was happening to me but he began stroking my arm and running his hands through my hair to soothe me, before taking my hand in his and placing it on his chest.
'Now Al, I want you to listen to my heart and try to breathe in time with it alright?' He whispered to me.
I wasn't too keen on his plan but I tried it anyway and within a few minutes I could feel my chest untightening and the pain in my heart slowly start to fade. I don't know how he did it, but Alex had managed to pull me out of my panic attack quicker than anyone else ever had been able to and I was eternally grateful for that.
'Alex? I'm.. I'm sorry' I whispered to him between yawns. ' I shouldn't have judged the situati-' but I was cut off by his finger on my lips and gentle 'shhh's coming from his mouth.
'I know how bad it looked and I really do want to explain myself to you, but first you need sleep, I know how...ummm panic attacks can erm..take it out of you...' He mumbled, but the words he was saying got jumbled up in my mind.
'Mmmmm' I agreed, yawning as he picked me up and carried me over to his bed, sliding me in a tucking me up so I was snug.
He turned to leave but I reached out and grabbed his hand before he could go. He turned to me with a glint of concern in his eyes.
'Do you need anything Al? Water? Another pillow?'
'Stay, Alex, please?'
I knew he couldn't resist and was proven right as he lifted the covers and slipped underneath them, wrapping his arms around me protectively. I began to drift off and I swear, when he thought I was asleep, I heard a quiet voice whisper
'I love you Alanis Winchester.'
and with that, I fell into a deep sleep filled with lots of ice cream and cuddles.
(A/N) okay so I'm sorry if that was absolute poop, I wasn't too sure where I wanted to go with the story so tbh this is just a filler chapter and hopefully the next chapter will be so much better, however I hope you all enjoyed it and I promise I will update way more regularly from now on! I love you all! X
