Eyes For You | | YOONMIN

Memories and Scars

Hair is the only thing I'm semi-loving right now
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I sat down next to Taehyung who seemed calm and collected despite everything that was happening.

Taehyung: "Can you talk off your contacts? It's okay if you don't want to though."

I stared at Taehyung, anxiety filling my body, as I proceeded to talk my contacts off that matched with Taehyung's blue eyes. Taehyung smiled and sat back on the bed, allowing me to ask him anything I'd like.

Jimin: "When did you start hiding your eyes? And why?"

Taehyung sighed.

Tae: "Hmmmm, I think I started wearing them when I started high school. As you already know, I was bullied back in middle school, the reason being my eyes. Eventually, I began to hate my eyes and the way I was born. It was tough, really tough. But then, I found the guys. No, they found me. After meeting them, I felt happy and content with my eyes because they proved to me that everything about myself was perfect for them."

I lowered my head, thinking to myself.

Jimin's thoughts: "I wish I could come to love me the way Taehyung loves himself."

Tae: "So what about you?"

I looked at him, my eyes turning to a shade of yellow. Taehyung, having the same mutation and all, knew I was beginning to feel anxious and encouraged me to talk slowly or until I felt comfortable. I took a deep breathe and tried to speak, steadily.

Jimin: "I've been wearing contacts since I transferred to your high school last year. At first, I was happy with my eyes and didn't quite care what other people thought about me. That is, until my parents died a few months before I transferred."

My voice came out shaky and I felt my body burning up. Taehyung rubbed circles on my back, urging me to continue whenever I was ready.

Jimin: "I lived in a small town before so my parents' death became big talk. Soon after their death, my mind slowly stopped functioning and I began to start drifting away from the person I once was. People's harsh comments and abuse became a daily part of my life and eventually I got so tired that I just stopped. I stopped fighting and just let myself fade away. I mean, of course Namjoon and Hoseok were there for me and tried to help me but I kept shutting them out. And at first, I was planning to just finish high school while dealing with the abuse but then, someone showed interest in me. He was sweet, and kind, and caring. I ended up confining in him."

I took my breathe as my eyes flashed red.

Jimin: "And that was the worst mistake of my life. I was just a joke to him and he used me for his own selfish needs. But I guess it was really my fault, I kept giving him what he wanted. Eventually, even he got rid of me by embarrassing me in front of my entire school. After that, I couldn't even go near my school or people in general without a full blown panic attack. That's when Namjoon and Hoseok encouraged me to move to this town with them last year. They were a big help. Not much time after, I agreed and we moved here and transferred to your school where I began to wear my contacts. I told myself that I'll never let anyone get to me. Not again."

Taehyung pulled me into his arms and we stayed in each other's comforting embrace for a while, none of us saying a word. Taehyung pulled away and wiped the stray tears that had fallen from his eyes.

Tae: "You know, after Namjoon found out about my mutation, he said something to me that stuck even to this day. He said that yesterday's me is still me and that I am who I am with all my faults and mistakes. He and all the other guys taught me to love myself for who I am, for who I was, and for who I hope to become."

I pulled Taehyung back into my arms as tears streamed endlessly down my face. I felt like someone actually understood the struggles that I go through on a daily basis. I felt accepted and loved for who I am and not judged for what I have. It was like a bolder had been lifted off my shoulders and I could finally open my eyes and see the people who actually care for me.

Tae: "So how about we go back to the living room with the rest of the guys? Without your contacts on?"

I wiped my tears and stood up, nodding my head. Taehyung smiled brightly and tossed his arm around my shoulder, guiding me back into the living. Taehyung went to sit with his boyfriend while I stood in front of all of them, their eyes fixated on me.

Jimin: "Um, so..."

I couldn't find the right words to say. I wanted them to know that I wanted to be friends, that I wanted to feel accepted by all of them.

Yoongi got up from the couch he was sitting on and stood in front of me. He took one hand out of his pocket and held it in front of him. I looked at his hand and then back at him before grabbing his hand in mine. Yoongi smiled slightly.

Yoongi: "Welcome to BTS...Jiminie."

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So I'm sorry that this chapter is short. It's only 900 words and I normally write up to 1,000+ words not including author's note. So as you can tell, this isn't normal behavior from me at all. It's just I was hoping that yesterday was just a one time thing and that my anxiety wouldn't make me feel like I would have a panic attack at school and start crying. But nope! Today was exactly the same way and I just felt like I was going to break down at any moment. And I got yelled at by my mom yesterday for not loving myself even though I am trying to. It's just hard and my family doesn't get the struggle. And not to mention that I literally self harmed again like 2 days ago. Im just *sigh* I'm just a mess. But I wanted to update at least once this week while I have time because I don't know how I'll be, mentally, in a couple of days. Please don't leave me. I love you all💜🦋