Just wait until the weekend.
Just wait until the end of the day when you can lay in bed and not have to hold back anything.
Just wait until the teacher allows you to run to the bathroom so you can use your key because that is the ONLY thing you have to cut into your skin and bite back tears so no one will hear you.
Just wait until school finishes.
Just wait until everyone goes to bed.
Just wait until you're in college.
Just wait until you're eighteen.
Just wait until.
Just wait.
Wait.
Just...
Wait.
All you do is wait.
Wait until you feel slightly okay.
Wait until your mother doesn't insult everything you love so casually and then blames you for getting upset.
Just wait.
Just wait until you feel okay.
I've waited for so long.
I waited through a torturous year where I couldn't leave because then they would kill themselves and it would be my fault.
I waited through all the yelling and crying in bed as my mother and father yell at each other outside my room.
I waited through trying to teach myself how to ride a bike because my mother was too busy yelling at my father.
I waited through sitting in a hospital bed with my appendix almost giving up and my blood stinging listening to my parents worry about the bill.
Pity?
I don't want it.
This is just a place I can freely speak.
So let me speak.
I want to look around my room and see my things just the way they were when I left, covered in a layer of dust.
I want to not feel anything ever again.
I want to not feel tied to a life I don't fit in.
I want to stop waiting to feel okay.
I want to stop waiting for the end of school.
I want to stop waiting for a second in my busy life where I can actually breath.
I want to stop waiting.
So I will
And I know this seems sudden and unexpected, but if you were inside my head and had my thoughts it would seem a long time coming.
I'm sick of waiting.
