Naked

C h a o s H e a d

She felt good after reading that note , but you know her nature ,
You know that vicious sister who liked to trick her happiness away , her name ? Overthinking , yes that's her name . She'd sit there next to her , talk to her , she always knew what she was doing she'd start of gentle and slowly adds roughness and sadness to the chitchat.
She'd fuck her up mentally, artistically.
She'd remind her of all the ones who are perfectly made for her , the ones who had the chance to slip their hands inside her pants but didn't.
The ones she let in but all they caused was chaos and turbulence.
The ones who stole her innocence away , and left that little girl lost in an adult world , always lost not understanding whatever those feelings were , why did skin and body interest her so much .
A raging maze of confusion and sadness , a circle of thoughts revolving around one center , disappointment.

She always felt herself talking to someone ,
So she always had the urge to argue out loud
"I FUCKED UP OKAY? stop reminding me of that , i fucking wish you were dead .
Yes you,
As she looked in the mirror pointing furiously at her .
You , the devil himself ,you always knew this would happen , you always knew everything but ,you ,fucker , you weak fucker always ran behind that bloodsucking thing of yours , your goddamn heart , look at you , why do you give yourself so easily ,
No one fucking deserves you , they're all a bunch of dicks who see you as an object
Fuck it I'm tired fuck fuck fuck
I really need to scream . "
Turns out out loud to her isn't the same as ours , out loud meant telling herself that she is not as happy as she thinks she is .
Out loud to her meant facing her anger .

But all she was asking was for someone to see her .
She wanted someone to catch her fighting with herself
But she couldn't show it for she thought no one is worth knowing shit about her
Because no one has yet shown her they're worthy .

As she finally gave up , sighing :"I don't know if I'm hurt , I don't know if it's the fact that people hurt me , hurts .
I'm scared . And tired . But most of all I'm happy "

She got up washed her face , put her perfectly black eyeliner, fixed her brows , drawn herself the perfect pink nudish lipstick alongside a smile, sweeped some blush because she liked its shade strong and present like she is .
She Took a deep breath ,
"Okay , we're okay , we're cool , 5 minutes of confusion , we cool "
As she stared herself in the mirror again with sympathy, smiled .

She then walked to her room , sprayed some perfume all over her body , even on her vajeeper
" you never know"
She Wore her high heels and walked like the goddess she is .

But one thing she loved about her
She always knew how to win a fight with that bloody sister of hers , she'd overthink her way out of overthinking ,
She always reminds herself that she is not the reason why everybody's fucking her up .
It never was . And that she was always proud of herself for understanding that , even if it took her another broken and damaged heart .
Even if it took her to hell and back
Even if it happens again
She'll always be okay .

To this she drank again tonight only this time with a crowd under her feet cheering for her , she was the life of the party standing on the tables of the club like she was the owner .