I woke up to the sound of the local radio that was buzzing quietly on the small coffee table at the foot of my bed. I rubbed my eyes, as they were still heavy from sleep, leaving black smudges on the back of my hands. I groaned loudly as the memories from last night resurfaced.
I swooped my legs from under the protective warmth of the duvet, and trudged to the little bathroom adjacent from my small bed. The room was small, but cosy looking. There wasn't much inside, 2 single beds, a small table in the corner by the window at the far end of the room, a TV, and the small radio at the foot of my bed. The lone window at the far end of the room was small, and the white floral curtains hung heavily, denying entry from the daylight outside. Luke was no where to be seen though. His bed was empty, but the sheets and duvet messy from his presence.
I entered the small bathroom, freshening myself up as best as i could, wiping the leftover makeup off my face, combing my fingers through my hair, and striaghtening out the small band shirt i slept in. My top was still a little damp from last night, and my legs cold as i was only in my underwear.
"Morning" Luke spoke blankly, as i reappeared back in the small front room. I wrapped the duvet from my bed around my lap covering myself up, as Luke plopped himself down on his bed in the clothes from last night.
"Morning" I breathed, cringing as i tasted the horrible morning breath i had.
"Nice sleep?" He asked.
"It was okay i guess, you?" I didn't really care about sleep, but i had to make small talk, the silence brought time to think, and time to think lead to Michael, and that was something i just wanted to forget altogether.
"Fine" He spoke, propping his head up on his elbow, laying sideways to look at me."I'm sorry"
"Don't Luke" I said quickly, not wanting to bring back the subject. Maybe if i ignored it for long enough it wouldn't be reality at all.
"No, i have to. Not talking about it won't get us anywhere. I'm sorry okay, i shouldn't have kissed you, i shouldn't have told you all of that. You're dating Michael, i should've just sucked it up."
"Was dating Michael" I corrected him "I'm pretty sure he wants nothing to do with me now"
We sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. I shut my eyes, wishing that when i opened them again i would be sitting on our double bed back home, shaking Michael awake like i did every morning.
"Did you even mean all of that?" I asked quickly. My mind was swimming with questions. So much of last night didn't make sense. The sudden revelation of Lukes feelings that just came out of nowhere, the kiss. "What you said about loving me did you even mean that? Or was i just some sort of joke?"
His eyebrows furrowed, as he sat up, sitting on the edge of the small bed facing me.
"Of course i meant it" He said sounding a bit hurt "I meant every single word"
I stared at my hands in my lap, as the silence grew louder.
"I'm sorry okay. What i did was selfish, it was completely unfair on both you and Michael, i don't even know why it came out, i don't, it's just-" He stopped, sighing, stumbling over his words "It's just i've been wanting to say that to you for so long, so long, and i was just watching you, standing in the door way, laughing and joking, and I- I just couldn't help myself" He ran his hands through his hair.
"Why didn't you say anything before? If you loved me when you first laid eyes on me, like you said yesterday, then why? Michael and I didn't start dating till a few months after i met the rest of you. Why didn't you say anything to me then?" I asked puzzled.
"I've never said anything before, you were happy with him I-"
"Before what?" I asked quickly.
"Before he- I-" He stuttered sighing loudly, he paused for a few seconds before he started again "Do you remember that night you came home with Michael and he told everyone you guys were dating" He began
"Yeah?"
"You remember that bunch of flowers i had that i said were for my mum"
"Yeah?" I said again, unsure on where this was going.
"Well i lied. They were actually for you, i had planned on asking you out that night, i packed blankets in my car and everything. I was going to drive you up to the lake and ask you there" He spoke, staring at his feet, resting forward, his elbows resting on his knees.
"Luke-" I spoke smally, a wave of guilt dropped on me as he finished.
"But then you came home with Michael and my heart literally broke. I could barely hold it together standing there, watching him hold your hand and kiss you. I was too late." His jaw clenched, as i bit the inside of my cheeks hard, i felt my eyes well up. "I saw how happy you was with him. I would've been a jerk to ruin it, so i didn't say anything. Pretended like nothing happened. None of that matters now, because i've went and ruined it for you anyway."
I sat stunned, lost for words.
"All this time?" I whispered
"All this time" He repeated. "I'm sorry"
"No Luke, i'm sorry, that must have been horrible, I- If- 3 years, 3 years you've watched me with Michael and felt like this, I- I don't know what to say" I said honestly, losing my words.
"You were happy. I didn't want to destroy that for you just for my own selfish needs. You were happy and that's all that mattered to me." He looked up at me, his eyes staring into mine. "That's all that will ever matter to me" I sat there, staring at him, trying to take in everything he was saying. He inched closer, our faces a few centimeters apart as he leaned in.
"Luke what are you doing" I spoke quickly, leaning back before he could kiss me. "That's the reason all this shit happened in the first place"
He looked hurt as he stood up angrily, walking over to the small window, leaning on the window sill.
"Then why did you kiss me back?!" He said loudly, turning around and saring at me accusingly.
"I- I-"
"Exactly, don't make me out to be the only bad guy in al of this! You kissed me back!"
"Oh so now all of this is my fault is it?!" I shouted standing up and walking over to the window where he stood, my legs felt exposed as i stood in only a tshirt, and i immediatley regretted getting up.
"I never meant it like that!" He protested. "You kissed me y/n wether you like it or not, and i want to know why."
"I don't want to do this with you Luke okay."I moaned not wanting to argue as my head ached hard.
"I can't just let this go. 3 years. 3 fucking years i've loved you, but watched you love someone else. Do you know how much that killed me. To watch you kiss him, to watch him hold you all this time. I saw the way he looked at you, and it was like a fucking million kicks in the gut, because all i could do was sit back and watch, wishing that i was him, wishing that i could be the one to look at you like that, and forgive me if i can't just walk away from you, but you kissed me back which means i clearly aren't the only one who's been hiding feelings away am i?"
"What are you trying to say?! That i had feelings for you, whilst i've been with Michael?!" I shouted.
"Your words not mine darling, but i know one thing for certain, you kissed me back, and i can't walk away from you!" He walked closer to me, closing the space.
Blame the adreline from arguing with him
Blame the headache i now had aching strongly
Blame the lack of sleep
But for some reason i found myself lunging forwards, crashing my lips onto Luke's, as he kissed me back passionatley.
We broke apart, still standing close together, with his arms snaked round my waist and mine around his neck, breathing heavy and staring at one another.
Luke smiled down at me, pulling my body closer to his.
"Now i'm defiently not letting you go"
