The Lost Child

chapter 17 ~Phillip

I didn't know what was wrong, she was just staring at the water. Maybe she figured out a way. Obviously, random people wouldn't stand a life near this forest so it was either two things: they all died or we were in the wrong place. But it was probably the latter.
My mind drifted to my girl. I studied her as she thought. Her depressed features reminded me of the day we fought in the garden. I could remember sitting there ,watching her cry and not able to do anything. My heart was squeezed watching her like that. Yes, I was hesitant. She was the only thing I fought for in life. She was the only thing keeping me going. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to hold her tight and hide her from this evil world. She was too decent for all that. But ...what if I hurt her? What if I bit her or scared her? How could I be happy then! For a moment, I decided I'd leave. Though it was torture to me, I'd rather stay in pain for the rest of my life than letting her suffer. I would have backed up. I should have!
But leaving her would also hurt her. They way she cried in my arms ,the way she begged me to stay...I was torturing her more. I was in a middle of a hurricane. I was lost. Stephan would guide me I thought back then. I'd propose, he'll know what to do.. But his attitude made fear and rage control me. Though I was expecting this, I never expected it would hurt that much. My heart got stabbed. I should have left then! I should have disappeared from her life! She appeared from her hiding spot, stunning as ever but her face was red and wet with tears. They wouldn't stop flowing out. I couldn't control it. I wanted to keep her out of danger, she would be safe with me. But I am danger itself. I tried to disappear as I shrank in my newly made suite -specially made for this occasion-. I felt humiliated. You expected this! I told myself. Was that fear I saw in Stephan's eyes? Was he just trying to hide it with his rage and control? Though I tried to provoke him, I wasn't expecting him to humiliate me like that. I wasn't expecting to see my best friend scared of me. I thought he'd guide me to the right way. I could hear her fight with Stephan as I turned around the corner. I bumped into Simon. I think I looked a mess because he looked at me weirdly. My eyes were teary but I pushed back the tears
"What's wrong?" He had asked. I tried to swallow back the lump in my throat. My voice almost cracked as u tried to speak. "They're fighting". I said and sprinted to my room. What have I done! What have I done! I tried to fix it but I made everything worse. I wanted to keep her safe but I was torturing her. I wanted to find a way to keep my girl with me....without harming her. I imagined me bite her, which made my heart sink in fear. That thought was scaring me to death. I paced around my room, running my figures through my hair and holding it tight. I wanted to rip it off. I was weak, too weak. Everyone thought I was strong and I had control. The truth is, I was a coward. I was scared of my own self. I could hurt anyone I loved without knowing it. I had to end this. I had to end this. I ran to my window and opened it wide. Letting the sunlight burn my skin. The agony was unbearable, I felt my skin on fire and the pain running in veins. It was too much. I screamed and groaned at the top of my lungs. I didn't know that was because of the light or losing the girl I loved. I just wanted to scream. I wanted to die. The sun was setting and with one last streak of light, I started to bleed. My head became heavy and my vision spotted. I felt that I would blackout. Someone called my name and I felt someone hold me, dragging me to my bed. I recognized Draco's voice. "Are you stupid? What the hell were you doing?!" He yelled. I couldn't hold it in. My tears escaped my eyes and flowed on my cheeks. He stared at me in confusion. I was crying. Everything in me hurt me from inside to outside. My body was full of bleeding burns but try started to disappear as I stayed away from the sunlight. I looked at him. I couldn't stop the jealousy growing inside me. He was so much better than me. He was incredibly handsome. He could protect Cornelia. He even loved her. I wanted to keep him away from her but I couldn't. He was the only one who can keep her safe. Still, I couldn't stop myself from blustering everything out. "My presence makes everyone suffer, I just wanted to leave. I wanted to end this. She asked me to propose, I was just scared you know. I was scared I might harm her but she wanted this she begged me to. I had to risk and Stephan refused. I saw him scared of me,Draco ,he as yelling at me but his hands were trembling. I didn't know Lia was watching us. She came out crying. I had to drop out I couldn't watch her like that. It is my fault. I ruined everything. I lost my sister I lost my only love. I'm just sick of everything"