Josh Dun x Reader

Better Than Me

Warnings: Angst

Word Count: 1207

Author's Note: This is based off the song Better Than Me by Bohnes!

Your POV

"I think we need to break up."

He said it so suddenly. The two of you had been cleaning up the dishes after dinner when he just threw it out there. As far as you knew, things between you were fine and there was no reason for you two to break up. At least, that was the impression you had gotten. Evidently Josh felt differently than you.

"Why?" you asked, already fighting tears.

Josh was avoiding eye contact with you. He had scrubbed the same spot in the pan nearly three times now, even though it had been spotless the first time.

"I can't be there for you like you need me to. All the times that I'm on tour while you're sitting at home feeling alone. I know you try to hide the tears in your eyes, but I see them, Y/N. You deserve better than that. Better than me."

"Josh, I-," you took a deep breath to try and calm yourself, but it still shook when you exhaled. "That's not true. I love you more than anything. I don't want anybody else."

He shook his head, "It eats away at me every time I leave. No matter what you say, that feeling is still going to be there."

"Please, Josh, we can make this work."

Josh finally looked at you. His eyes were watery and you had never seen him look so upset in the time that you had known him.

"We can't. I've made up my mind."

You broke down sobbing then, completely abandoning the plate that you had been drying off. Josh just stood on the other side of the counter, having finally given up on cleaning the pot. You expected him to walk over and try to comfort you, but he didn't. He just stood idly by as you sobbed into your hands and shook so badly that it was difficult to stand without leaning on the counter.

Did he really not care?

Josh's POV

"I don't know what to tell you, Josh. It happened, and there's nothing you can do about it," Tyler shrugged as he tuned his ukulele.

"I just stood there, Tyler. Y/N was sobbing and I just stood there and watched. How could I be so mean?"

"You weren't intentionally being mean. That's a tough situation for you two to be in, and you just happened to handle the situation differently than Y/N did. Y/N broke down while you stood frozen. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I just feel awful. I should have been more comforting."

"Shit happens, Josh. You just have to move past it."

"I guess," I sighed, adjusting my drums slightly.

"Alright, what do you say we run through the song one more time to take your mind off things?"

"Sure."

Your POV

You opened the shoebox that you had dug out from under the bed and set it next to the pile of photos you had collected. Tears started to pool in your eyes as you tossed them inside one by one, reliving the memories with each picture. You didn't have the heart to get rid of them, the slight possibility of you two getting back together was still hovering at the back of your mind.

You knew that you should hate Josh for what he had done, but you just couldn't. Everything that you had been through together meant too much to you to just be tossed aside as bad memories. Your hands shook as you put the lid back on the shoebox.

Somebody knocked on the door downstairs, so you hastily wiped away a few tears and shoved the shoebox under your bed. Your eyes were still puffy as you went to open the door, although you didn't really care if your best friend saw you in this state. You had already been keeping them updated with everything that had happened since the breakup.

"Oh, Y/N," they sighed, taking one second to look over you before pulling you into a tight hug.

"Hi, Y/F/N," you said, holding onto them tightly.

"Why don't we sit?" they asked, putting a hand on your back and starting to lead you towards the living room.

The two of you sat down on the couch and made yourselves comfortable. Y/F/N dug some tissues out of their pocket and handed them to you, allowing you to dry your eyes.

"So tell me how you're feeling," they smiled.

You sighed, "We haven't talked in what feels like a million days, even though it's only been like three."

"Have you reached out to him at all?"

You shook your head, "I don't want to be the annoying ex that tries to stay friends after a breakup. He initiated it, so if he wants to talk then he can reach out to me."

"Do you miss him?"

"Of course I do, but I know things are over and I need to accept that. Even though I don't want to believe him, I think he's right," you sighed, wiping another tear away. "We're better off this way."

Josh's POV

I sat up quickly, my chest heaving as I inhaled rapidly. My head was still spinning from the nightmare that I just had and sweat was dripping down my back. It must have been worse than I thought.

"Y/N," I muttered, reaching over to the other side of the bed. It threw me for a second to not feel another person there before I remembered that we no longer slept in the same bed, or even the same house for that matter.

I rubbed my eyes for a moment before flipping over onto my side to get comfortable again. My eyes had only been closed for a few seconds when I opened them again. Images from my nightmare were dancing on the inside of my eyelids, taunting me. It was going to be awhile before I was able to sleep again.

My phone was sitting on my bedside table, so I reached over and grabbed it to use as a distraction. I knew it wouldn't help me fall asleep, but at least it would take my mind off of what had happened in my nightmare.

It only took a few moments of scrolling through Twitter before I came across the first post about Y/N. I had yet to officially announce our breakup to the world, mostly because I needed to be in a better mental state before I dealt with all of the backlash that it would surely cause.

I didn't want to look at Y/N's face, so I turned my phone off and tossed it back onto the bedside table. Every part of me wished that things would have worked out differently. Maybe in another life we would have a second chance, but this wasn't the one.

I hoped that Y/N would find someone else. They would be happy together, happier than we ever could have been. I was undeserving of Y/N, and maybe someday I would find somebody that would work better with my busy schedule. Maybe I wouldn't.

The only thing that I knew for certain was that Y/N deserved better than me.