Josh Dun x Reader

Rough Patch

Warnings: Mentions of depression & anxiety, angst

Word Count: 1414

Author's Note: Hey! I just wanted to make a quick disclaimer about the mental health topics mentioned in here. I have dealt with both depression and anxiety so the instances mentioned are based off of my personal experience, I know it's different for everyone! Hopefully you guys like it 💕 ​​​​​​​

You hated this. The feeling that you got every time that Josh was away on tour. It was indescribable, but there was an undeniable weight in your chest that just didn't seem to go away no matter how hard you tried. At this point it had become familiar, like an old friend that showed up to fill the hole when Josh was away.

If it wasn't the feeling in your chest, then it was the headache. Not a real one, but there were so many thoughts bouncing around in your head that it might as well have been. You couldn't even keep track of all the worries that you had anymore. They just kind of played out one after another until it became a constant in the back of your mind.

You had considered getting help before, but every time you went to call the therapist you hesitated. How were you supposed to explain something to someone that you yourself didn't even fully understand?

It wasn't until a really bad day during the last month of tour that you finally confessed how you were feeling to Jenna. She drove over to your house immediately, making sure to stop and pick up your favorite warm drink on the way. When she arrived, she sat on the couch with you and held you close until you were able to stop shaking. She listened to every fear that you listed and assured you that everything was going to be ok.

When she asked if you were going to see a therapist about how you were feeling, you explained how embarrassing it felt. After all, it had taken you months to open up to Jenna and she was one of your closest friends. She tried to convince you that it could be beneficial, but you just nodded along to appease her. Deep down, you knew that it would never be an option for you.

Josh called you a week later and explained that Jenna had told him what was going on. He asked you a million questions about how you were feeling, but you answered each one the same. You didn't know how you were feeling, the only thing that you knew was your chest was heavy and your mind was full of thoughts that you couldn't quite place. They were nervous thoughts, and that was about as much as you knew. He said that he loved you and he would be home soon, but even Josh couldn't take the pain away.

It was the day that Josh was coming home from tour. The last time that you had seen him was months ago, and that was just when you and Jenna flew out to surprise the boys halfway through the tour. It had been even longer since you and Josh were at home together, able to sleep in your comfortable bed and watch TV until one in the morning.

You wanted more than anything to be happy about Josh coming home, but today wasn't one of the days that allowed for that. Instead, you had been stuck in bed all day in some sort of limbo. Your anxiety told you to get out of bed and make yourself look presentable, but your depression fought back and told you to stay in bed.

There were a million things that you knew you should be doing: cleaning the house, walking the dogs, taking a shower. But they all required so much energy, energy that you didn't currently have.

Downstairs, the dogs started barking. This probably meant that Josh was home. He would probably need help with his bags. He would definitely want to see you as soon as he walked in the door. You should be getting out of bed and running down the stairs to meet him.