Creating the Magic of Us

Chapter 9

The beauty of the night's sky was wondrous, and Marvin was left feeling lighter than air as he took in Anti's words. He"s used to hearing those sorts of things from Mark, who often told him that he was one in a million. But when Anti said it, it just felt so different. More sincere - perhaps.

Marvin couldn't quite put his finger on what it was or why his heart seemed to gallop in his chest just from being near Anti. He assumed it had something to do with how forbidden this all was. Anti had a lover and so did Marvin, but yet here they are, staring into each other's eyes under the light of a trillion plus stars.

It was the most loving moment Anti could remember experiencing, and that was counting every little thing that Damien did to woo him in the beginning. Damien was a certified hopeless romantic when it came to Anti, and it was like this secret side of him that only Anti was privileged enough to see. The magician's pull was similar to Damien in a few ways, and part of that realization caused Anti's throat to tighten. Both bright lights in the enveloping darkness. Damien's a red hot flame that Anti yearned to touch. To chance his fingers to be burned by the heat of his passion. Marvin, was a blinding moon as brilliant as any of the stars above them. So close but just out of Anti's reach.

"Where should we take these admissions?" Anti asked slowly, his feet taking a tentative step forward, and his heart fluttered at Marvin standing perfectly still. The knife swallower was used to his appearance causing others to avert their eyes or, much worse, to just give unapologetic stares. As if the dark tattoos and thick callouses made him somehow bulletproof.

The magician frowned at the question, his mind racing as fast as the blood through his veins. They were practically speaking a love song to each other. Their motions swayed and souls lifted as they considered the next steps of their crime. It wasn't just broken souls that they would leave if they began anything together. Mark and Damien were twin brothers. Conjoined at one point in the past. They still carried both scars in both the literal and figurative sense. Marvin was too aware that the idea of Marvin finding another would kill Mark inside, and worse yet if he ended up in the arms of a freak like Anti.

"I don't know," Marvin whispered. "Mark is...he's a good man."

"As is Damien," Anti replied, daring another step forward. "We can just keep what we have within our own hearts. I truly just needed to at least tell you how I felt. The longing I can live with, but not the secret."

The magician bit his lip as he considered, and Anti relished the appearance. His mind slipping away for the fleetest of moments as to how to make Marvin do it again. Perhaps a well placed kiss on the smaller hand, or a soft brush of his thumb to the reddening cheek. The green eyes were a road map searching for so many new places to guide himself to the home he always wanted.

Stillness was too much for either of the men's bones, and Marvin was the one who moved this time. Anti marveled at how the small feet wrapped in nothing but white bedroom slippers moved effortlessly through the night. The pearly dressing gown almost floating with the cool breeze that was only rewarded for those who chose to stay up late enough to feel it. There were confessions and apologies in the sideways glances that both of them were casting behind them.

Marvin could envision Mark caving in, arms wrapped up in a pitiful attempt to keep himself together. Damien, always needing to rebel from his brother would focus his sorrow outward, and leave whatever was stupid or weak enough to not clear his path left in piles of burning ash.

They would break them.

Both Anti and Marvin knew this. They knew this, and yet they were still surging forward. Slowly getting used to the feeling of self hatred and disgust right underneath the surface of their skin. Learning to lean into the pain of their internal heartache, and pry away the hold that each set of muscled hands had on heart. One finger at a time. 

The distance steadily decreased between them, until finally they were close enough for Anti to notice that Marvin's small nose had a light sprinkle of freckles upon it. He chuckled softly, not knowing how else to react. The magician was just as equally enraptured by the taller man's eyes. They were green. That was always known, but the delicate strands of aqua electricity that shone in them were....unexpected.

"Secrets are only welcomed in magic," Marvin muttered. "Anywhere else they destroy you."

The pale hand reached out, palm upward and waiting. Anti's eyes flickered downward and placed his fingers in the soft places in between. Interlaced, then tightened.