A Rainbow Hammok (5)

(vent)

Hey this is a vent feel free to skip this chapter. It's not important. I just want to get this into writing.
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Okay, so basically school is done. Everything else is fine. However, my friend is going through a rough patch in her life, and I'm going though a miner crisis.

To not get into too much detail: I have a date. But it's complicated and I'm trying to let her go gently. But I am too soft for my own good and prolonged it for a while. Tomorrow (Oct 1) I'll have to admit to her that I don't carry more feelings to her.

Next up, not too much background, my friend's father was hospitalized and is (currently) in surgery.

I have a lot of requests that ice been purring aside and need to get to.

I have anxiety and can barely leave my bed in the morning, wondering if my school would be the next victim to gun shooting.

I try to explain to my parents that I have anxiety but they don't believe it has done any bad, just good.

I'm already failing my math and English classes

I'm loosing inspiration to write anything. I want to make all these chapters but I can't muster the energy to write anything. It always feels forced.

I just want to stop everything and lie in a dark room where nothing happens to anyone anymore.

I feel cornered and trapped and although I never seem like it, I try to be cheerful to others. I'm bearing the weight of so many people's secrets and problems that I feel as if I shouldn't talk about my life because of it, I am the storage container, you don't need me hurling my spoiled thoughts at you.

I just want everything to be fine. Why can't I just stop and...why can't my brain just stop?

Why?