a love message

chapter 10

hii you all! i want to thank u for all the amazing comments i got from my amazing readers!! every time i wanna quit,you keep me going.so thanks again and i want to dedicate this chapter to my friend mills18 wich you should tottaly check her story  forbidden love out! he's amazing!!

chapter 10

Ethan: ugh..your'e so..

Taylor: what? what did i do?

Ethan: i just poured my soul out for you,you know me better then absolutely anyone dose,sometime even better then myself.when i told you you can trust me,i meant it.you dont need to think twice before you write,just write what's in your head.dont leave me in the darkness for god sake.

I feel like my heart melts with warmness.he needs me,its not even a question.

Taylor tibatti:maybe i wanted you to write it one more time..

Ethan:i will write it a thousand time if i will know it will make you feel better.

My smile reaches my eyes and i want him to know this.

Taylor tibatti:thanks for making me smile :)

Ethan:i did? really?

Taylor tibatti: ha ha yes,why are you so surprised? its only a lip streaching up.

Ethan: ha ha,because this is my new goal,you know,to make you happy.

Taylor tibatti: well your goal is just about completed.

Ethan: shit! shit!

Taylor tibatti:what's wrong Eath?

Ethan:my commander is here,iv'e got to go but..

Taylor tibatti: but what? its ok,you can tell me.

Ethan:you know what? never mind,its not that important anyway.

Taylor tibatti:what is it??? tell m-wait a minute!!

Ethan:ha ha,bye for now rapunzel.

Taylor tibatti: just be safe ok?

it was embarrassing but i had to make sure he's not putting himself in danger.

Ethan: now i have a reason.

I hugged the phone tightly to my chest and let myself fall on the bed and take out a breath i was holding since the beginnig of our conversation.i can hear him saying the last sentence in my head,though its blurry casue i have no idea how he sounds like.i wish i did.is he heavy and deep? or light and paitient? dose he stare at his phone every time i send a message? or maybe the bipping sound is really annoying for him?

Im guessing not,not after what he wrote..

When the phone done charging,i place it on the desk and open hope's cage so she can get out and streach her wings.soon enough she will learn that you have to keep yourslf busy in order to survive in this place.

***

In the evening,me and fay sit down to watch a movie in the tv.im sort of watching,but not really.every guy in the movie reminding me of Ethan,like i actually forgot about him for one second.i think to myself,he can look like any one of them.tall,short,thin,fat,tan or just really pale,i didnt really care.no,he attracted me like bees to honey and there was no going back from here.

"Taylor",fay said all of a sudden after shoving a nice amount of pink cotton candy to her mouth,"have you seen my charger maybe? gray charger"?

I felt hot all of a sudden,but luckily it didnt show outside.

"A charger? i reapted stupidly while thinking of an answer.

'Yeah,i cant see the bloody thing anywhere" she kept talking but her eyes were hooked to the screen.

"A charger..."? really Taylor? can you sound more obvious?

"Why would i need a charger? its not like i have a cell phone that i need a cell phone charger to charge the cell phone. why-would-i-take-your-charger"???

I take it back,apparently i can.fay's looking at me confused and about to say something,when the movie's main character confessing his feeling to his love interest and then they kiss like the sun never gonna shine again in the sky.i take  advantage of her hookness and sneak to kitchen.the kiss sence always made me uncomfotable.it just did.im not even sure i know why,maybe because i know i will never have mine.

Maybe its because i know i will never experience this amazing moment.with the butterflies in my stomach and the burning cheeks and crazily racing heart.and then there's the firework  that explose when the lips are touching...(ok,ok.i read too many romance novels,can you blame me???)

I drew the milk out of the fridge and pour myself some in a big cup.then i add chocolate syrup and  some vanilla ice cream and mix them together.the taste is so good,i find myself sigh quitely.i wonder if Ethan knows about this recipe.i remember,when i was still really young and my dad couldnt make me sleep at night because of my nightmars,he made it for me.

I sigh when i remember the days i made him go through so much suffer.he wanted to go to sleep but i kept waking up and cry about mom and agatha and oddtte.it was awful.and he really did try to be there for me most of the time.all of these toys and clothes and books that were supposed to make up the horrible lost ,like something can actually replace mom. even someone as kind as fay.

When you think about it,ethan never had parents,ethanhad to grew up by a tottal strangers.no one ever paid more then five minutes of attention to him.and im sure no one was there for him when he had nightmars and nedded a glass of warm milk to calm him down.how many nights did he spend sitting on the bed as a small kid,legs swinging in the air cause they're too short to reach the floor,the bed is wet and no once is there to hug him and tell him that everything's gonna be ok.

He needs to embrace himself and shut his eyes tightly to pretend there's no monster under the bed that only wating to jump on him in is sleep.

And what about puberty? what did the foster house did to him when is hormones started to get crazy? when he was more hungry and one serving was'nt enough?when he was mad more often and no one could get it? when one lyre of clothes weren't as warming as two?

when he was jealous of other kid's toys and his one shirt was the one he had to wear to holydays as well..? i..i wish i could've been there for him..with him.all of these years .to be sure to give him my blancket when its freezing cold outside and sneak food for him from the kitchen late at night.

I want to be there for him always and forever.

But..i also never wants to leave my father,he's a tough man but he's my only family ,so i promise myself to be sure to tell ethan about the recipe,and maybe..maybe one day make it for him myself.

Yeah,right..

*** 

It was really late at night. first i thought it was some kind of a weird dream,but then the bipping sounds became clearer and clearer and in the end i pushed the blancket off and,still half a sleep,i turned the screen on and try to read the message that had to be sent so bloody late.