a love message

chapter 13

Ethan:can we try playing something? like..20 questions for example ?

Taylor tibatti: sure,can be nice.

i would love to get to know him better.

Ethan: ok,what's your favorite color?

Taylor tibatti: that's easy, yellow, yours?

Ethan: blue,what kind of movies do you like? and please don't say romcom.

Taylor tibatti: so you want me to lie? and you?

Ethan: ha ha figures, mostly horror and action.what relaxes you the most?

Taylor tibatti: so predictable, let's see..sleep,read and latly i guess..taking to you..and you?

Ethan: umm i guess looking at the stars..drinking tea and imagining our first meeting would be like.would you mind,only if you wanna, to describe me how you look like?but again, only if that's ok with you.

wow that's really ok? should i..describe to him how i looo like? what if...

and then he wrote:

Ethan: im sorry rapunzel, i passed my limit, we have conditions and i broke them. i respect your wishes, so to the next question. tell me something really embarrassing that happened to you .

I blushed like crazy and felt my heart racing when i remember the most embarrassing thing.dad once opend the bath door when i was about to go out the water and dry.i was screaming like crazy and shut the door in his face.i couldn't then face him for weeks.

taylor tibatti: my dad once saw me naked in the bathroom. i wanted to kill myself that day,now you can stop talking to me if you want ! i dont care!

if he's gonna laughed at me and leave,im literally gonna die.

Ethan: A.it's not such of a big deal ,and B.you really are not taking me seriously. you think i will stop talking to you because something as small as this? no matter what i say you're always afraid im gonna leave you.

as long as you're not a terrorist or actually a guy,(wich in this case im gonna kill ya ;) ,i will not stop talking to you! so stop making my heart flips every five seconds, will ya?!

I blinked couple of times ,stunned from the sudden speech.

Taylor tibatti: you mean,since we first met?

I waited for him to.answer while biting my lip almost hard enough to make her bleed.

Ethan: well yeah,you kind of making me lose my Mind .I wanna talk to you all the time.all day every day.I want to get to know you better ,You're funny and smart and I love the thought of someone worrying about me.

I can't stop smiling. he again talks in a way that are making me all flushed and too thrilled to breath. suddenly I remember there was a question I wanted to ask him..should I? maybe it's not the right time? but again,

Is there ever gonna be a right time for this?

Taylor tibatti:can i ask you something?

Ethan: sure,anything.

Ok..here we go.

Taylor tibatti: about this. .pictures, the one with the traffic light...what the meaning of that?

Only after I asked I understood how wrong I was.It's non of my business and he didn't wanted to talk about it from the first place.why would he agree now?

I never waited so long for him to answer,maybe he's suffering, trying to make an excuse to change the subject. I'm awful.

i know how sensitive he is.like glass.like petals. like me.

so why did i asked? am I willing to do anything  to get to know every side of him?! when I thought i was actually losing my mind,i heard the bip.

Ethan: I..I actually don't really know myself. .ever since I was a little child, i saw it,in my dreams,the red traffic light.

he never became green or orange. only bloody red.and somehow. .somehow I Have a feeling it has something to do with my past.I just need to keep looking at this picture. i know it will come to me I just know it.

I thought about it,it made sense I understand his need to get to know his past,but as much as he want to ,its also a bad thing.

take my past for example, its awful and dark and i hate remembering or dreaming about it. what if his past is as horrible as mine? ! i can't let him get hurt like that. not if i can do something to prevent it.

Taylor tibatti: I understand,truly i do but i hope you're not getting your hopes high.whatever it is,i don't want you to get hurt.

Ethan: it doesn't matter,i need to remember. i have to.

Taylor tibatti: but i just don't want you to be crushed if it will mean something bad.

Ethan: im a big boy rapunzel, i can handle it.

Taylor tibatti: it doesn't matter! it doesn't have anything to do with that!

Ethan: i will only get hurt if i knew i didn't do anything about the matter.

why is he so stubborn? !

Taylor tibatti :fine! do whatever you want,it's your life.

Ethan: well thank you very much.

Taylor tibatti: what dose that suppose to mean?

I was frowning at the phone angrily. he never made me mad before, the feeling was terrible.

Ethan: it means that even though i care about you very much,believe me,sometimes i need to do what feels right for me.

Taylor tibatti: i never said you shouldn't .

Ethan: i know it's just..never mind. .

Taylor tibatti: no no,Please, tell me i want to know.

Ethan: just, i respect your options, please respect mine.anyway,i need to go get ready for the mission, i will talk to you in a week.

Taylor tibatti:  NO! Ethan WAIT!! please!  im sorry! don't go like that. please...

but then,he wasn't online anymore. he was really angry at me..

....

no...

Ethan. ..

Don't. ..

Leave me..

I..I can't breathe. the last sentence he said to me..his last thought of me..

He hates me..?

I can't believe we actually fought ..and maybe he will even get more angry at me through this week when he have too much time to himself to think.

Maybe he will get to the conclusion that I'm not good enough for him...

And maybe this mission is so bloody dangerous that he won't even have time to think about me..

I put the phone down,my heart freeze and i collapsed.