girl next door// seaycee

funeral

sean:

today was the day i've been dreading all of my life. going to my father's funeral. 

i was wearing my dad's old tuxedo, something he gave to after my mom's death. i was really young when he did give it to me, but he told me that if i ever needed a tux, this would be one i could use. 

i stood beside my dad's grave, listening to the priest talk about how we need to lift my dad up to god and let him reach heaven. it's kinda funny, me and my family have never been super religious. sure we believe in god, but we never went to church or anything like that. it just wasn't in our interest. 

"now please throw in your roses or anything you would like mr. lew to keep with him."

people proceeded to throw in roses and some pennies or coins. i took a deep breath and pulled out a letter i wrote to my dad before he passed. i know it sounds dumb, but i liked writing letters. no matter what someone will see it, hopefully my dad will see it too.

i placed it on top of the casket, then slowly backed away as they began lowering my dad into the ground. people began walking away, going back inside to where they would hold the reception. i let out a shaky breath, feeling the warm tears beginning to drip down my face.

i guess reality didn't set in until now. my dad was really gone. i would come home to no one, just an empty house. i don't have a dad anymore. i don't have anyone anymore. i clenched my jaw tightly, feeling myself breaking down harder. 

i stood there until the people burying my dad were done and they walked away. it was getting late at night by this point, and i was sure that the reception was over now. i walked towards the grave, kicking some snow out of the way so that i could sit down on the ground.  i sat next to my dad's grave, drawing random squiggly lines in the snow and letting my thoughts run wild.

"i miss you so much dad. i know that you're gone and you're not coming back, but... c-can you not completely leave me? i have no one dad. i'm on my own." i said, letting out sobs. 

"what am i doing dad?" i asked. 

silence. pure silence. it was kinda nice honestly. just to have it quiet and peaceful. it's like the world stopping for a second, letting you actually breathe. but it would've been better if my dad was next to me. 

"hey." i heard a soft voice say. i snapped my head up and turned around, seeing kaycee walking over to me, giving a soft smile. 

"can i sit with you?" she asked. i nodded my head and scooped up some of the snow and threw it behind me. she sat down next to me, crossing her legs and sitting her hands in her lap. 

"are you okay?" she asked. i looked over at her, seeing her brows slightly furrowed. i slowly shook my head. and then i felt pain. like something was trying to get out of me. 

"come here." kaycee said, opening her arms for me to hug her. and then it happened. a sob ripped through my entire body. it was like i was screaming. i clung onto kaycee like my life depended on it. 

"shhhhhh, you're okay sean." kaycee whispered as she began to rub my back. i felt her softly place my head down and onto her shoulder. i tucked my head into the crook of her neck, smelling her berry perfume that she always wears. i put her hand on my head and began playing with my hair. it was soothing, in an odd way. 

i felt myself slowly calm down, finally coming back down to earth. i heard sniffling, so i leaned my head up and looked at kaycee. tears were glistening in the moonlight, and i couldn't help but smile.

"sorry, i don't mean to cry. just seeing you so upset kills me." she said, placing her hand onto my right cheek. i leaned into her hand, feeling her move her thumb back and forth on my face. 

"you're so beautiful." i whispered. i saw a slight blush that crept over her cheeks and i smiled, good god she's fucking cute. 

she slightly leaned in and i did too, putting a hand underneath her jaw to bring her closer. and finally our lips met. it was soft, calming, loving. it was different from our other ones, it showed our love more than our lust. 

i pulled away from her, smiling like an idiot. she softly giggled, pulling me in again for a hug. we hugged each other, this time her face in my neck. 

"i love you sean." 

"i love you more than you'll ever know kaycee." 

"oh don't even get started with that sean."

we both giggled.