I can't get You out of my head! (On Hold)

17. I know what you are!

Jon PoV

Being found with my head on Frederic's  lap, when his bodyguard had opened the Panic Room door, had been a little embarrassing. But I had tried to not let it show too much. At least I knew that he wouldn't tell anyone, plus I was pretty sure that he must have found Frederic in more compromising situations than a cuddling session during his time as bodyguard to the roaming Crown Prince now turned King.

I had decided to just chalk the whole Panic Room-experience up to cabin fever, but as I'm getting ready for today's joint Communications-Team/Security-Team meeting in preparation for a public appearance that my King will make, I can't seem to quite explain the butterflies fluttering in my stomach at the thought of seeing my King again. Having his fingers run through my hair and lightly scratching my scalp while he had let me ramble on about my family, had been equal parts calming, caring and sensual. It had given me a feeling of security and safety that I can't describe, but want to experience again and again! 

Whatever these emotions are trying to tell me, I have to get my ass in gear! My King hates people being late and I don't want to mess up the good relationship that we seem to be building up.

As I am getting my things together, Jacob comes over to my desk "Are you ready Jon?" I look down to check if I have everything and then nod. "Good!" He says. "But are you ready? I mean after how you reacted after the coronation, it couldn't have been easy being locked up with him in a small room for hours?" Jacob looks at me with something akin to pity. "No Jacob!" I exclaim. "I'm fine! Really! I didn't have that bad a time. We talked. He was funny. It was actually better than most of the dates I've had lately." I laugh. "Not that I've had time for a lot of those." I look at Jacob pointedly. 

Jacob just laughs and shakes his head "I'm not the "Mystery Man" whipping the tabloids into a guessing frenzy every time His Majesty has a conversation with any halfway decent looking male. The story he gave at the press conference had most convinced, but the "Mystery Man" angle still sells magazines, so until that blows over, you'll just have to make do with whatever free time you get." He looks at his watch, gives me his signature "Boss Look" and says "And speaking of free time, we don't have any. We need to get to the meeting!"

We make it right on time and seeing my King again, makes me very happy that I have a good poker face. The smile he gives me, has a whole flutter of bat-sized butterflies bursting through my stomach and I'm fighting myself to keep up a professional appearance. 

To minimize the risk of my face betraying me, I try to keep my eyes firmly on the notes that I'm writing on the tablet, but sometimes they wander to his face all on their own accord. It seems like he has the same problem, because almost every time I cast a glance at him, I catch him looking back at me. 

I can't help the sigh of relief when the meeting is over. The tension that has build up inside me, because of the looks and smiles, needs a release. Maybe I should take the time to go to the "The Black Site" tonight and see if there's a free Dom willing to play with me? I haven't had a session since before my King ascended the throne and I'm slowly going crazy.

It's not just the physical release that I am craving. I need the mental break it gives me to hand my body over to someone else and not have to worry about if I'm doing the right thing. I would give almost everything to have my own Dom, who would not only take care of my body, but also help me navigate the decisions of life. But alas I'll have to settle for short sessions, when I have the spare time. At least for now. 

It is with these thoughts floating around in my head that I take my leave. As I exit the office I'm caught by Frederic's bodyguard Noah. "We need to talk!" he murmurs as he grabs me by the elbow and steers me towards the first corner. Those words seldom means that something nice will be discussed, and I feel a lead ball of worry forming in my stomach, effectively killing off all the butterflies.

Rounding the corner he pushes me against the wall. Not harshly, but with the sentiment that he wants me to stay right there. To further that sentiment he looms over me, to the extent that he is able to loom over my 6'5 body. His aura has me fighting my submissive instincts wanting me to kneel before him. As he stares me down, I avert my eyes and I know that he has me right where he wants me.

"You are playing a dangerous game Boy!" He almost growls out at me. "Do you think that I can't see that you have your eyes set on the King?" He questions. I can only stutter incoherently at him"I-I-I..."

"You-you-you what? I know what you are! I know what you need! But have you told him? Don't you think that is something that he deserves to know?" I fell myself deflating as I nod. Because yes, if I really want a chance with Frederic, he needs to know about my lifestyle and what I will need from him. He has to have that knowledge to be able to make an informed decision.

And as I stand here, with his bodyguard making me feel very small, I realise that I want Frederic to choose me! I wan't my King. Not only as my Dominante, but also as my partner. I want the hot sex we had when we were both tipsy enough to drop our inhibitions, and I want the cuddles, and security that went with them, when we shared embarrassing stories. I want to go to bed with him and wake up next to him. I want it all!

At this revelation, my knees slowly loose the ability to support my body and I feel my back sliding down the wall as my body folds itself into a squat. I lean my head back against the wall and look up into Noah's face, it shows no anger. Instead it shows determination and a hint of compassion. He might know that I'm a Sub, but that look on his face shows, clear as day, that he is a Dom. He knows our lifestyle and he knows Frederic, maybe he'll help me? "I know that I need to tell him. He desserves that. But I don't know how." I whisper as I place a slightly shaking hand over my eyes.

When those words have left my lips I hear a sharp intake of breath from beside us. I rip my hand from my eyes and they snap toward the sound where they are immediately met by my King's surprised and slightly angry stare. 

"What the hell is going on here?" He shoots the question out between clenched teeth. "Noah answer me! Now!" he growls, shifting his stare onto Noah. My eyes flick to Noahs face, and he gives me a look filled with apology. He did not mean for this to happen, that much is for sure. "Frederic, lets take this somewhere more private. We don't want to cause a scene out here in the hallway." Noah proposes. At this my King gives a curt nod, turns on his heel and walks towards his office expecting us to follow.

Noah helps me up from my squatting position against the wall and places a comforting hand on my shoulder as he turns us towards my Kings office. A thousand thoughts run through my mind as we take those few steps. What am I going to say? This wasn't how I wanted this conversation to start! How will I make him listen to me, and make him see BDSM as something good, if he is angry. What will I do if he turns away in disgust?

My last thought as we enter the office is: "I hope that he will give me a chance to explain!"

Published October 28. 2018

Cue ominous music... How do you think the conversation will go?

Until next time.

Don't do anything that I wouldn't do!