Can't Stop Fucking With You

Chapter 18

Krystal

It's been a couple of days since I last asked Nick to open up more to me. I just met him I know, but I just feel as me staying at his place I deserve to know something about his background. Nothing too bad could've happened he's such a sweet and kind person. They do say the prettiest smiles hide the darkest things.

I've gone to school and work. Occasionally getting asked what he did wrong by Elijah. He should've never cheated on me in the first place. Knowing Sierra it's probably not even his. I don't know and I don't care at this point. He broke my heart when we first started this. This right here just let me know, we need to be done. If you can continuously cheat on me, especially when you get mad, we're not meant to be together. Simple as that.

Nick

Krystal? She's a wonderful person to have in your life. I just can't tell her my past. It's not the prettiest thing to have. I barely even know her past. I know she has a right but then again I can't bring myself to say it. It breaks my heart little by little even thinking about it.

Confused? Okay, let me explain.

My mother killed her self when I was only 6. I witnessed it too. She did it right in front of me. Not on purpose of course. I stumbled into the room when she got that gun and shot herself in the head. I ran to her as fast as I could yelling after her as if she could hear me or even care. She made up her mind. I didn't even know she felt this way. She was diagnosed with depression a couple of years back which I found out about a year or so after her death.

My dad's a different story. He was adopted and his adopted parents didn't treat him the best, but he tried to give me the best world possible. Those years were great until I turned 10. The thoughts of my mother being gone got too much for him. He started drinking, all day and all night. Then he started to get abusive. Only when he got mad while drunk. I can't even remember a time he was sober past then. I didn't tell anyone about the beating because I thought it'll go away and he'll get better. Sadly, that didn't happen. By the time I was 13, teachers and other students started to notice bruises on my arms and legs. That's why I mainly covered my arms. It seemed like the older I got the worse the beatings got.

I was forced to live with my grandma for the next few years until she died of cancer when I was 17. A day before my 18th birthday. At that point in my life, I lost all my feelings. I had no family and barely had any friends. I loved my grandma like she was my own mother. My friends always tried to make me happy but yet it just seemed like that wasn't possible. At another point in my life, I pushed almost everyone away. The people that are still here with me today, are the ones that really knew why I was doing what I was doing. It just felt like everyone I got close with ended up dying.

I'm so bubbly and friendly because I wasn't raised that way. I was raised to smile through the pain. Venting and crying to myself. I don't trust people and the past? The past is just something that's hard to visit even by myself.

I battle my demons every day. Some days are harder than others. I'm not going to sit here and lie as if I've never thought about killing myself. I have, but then I realize how dumb that was. Be just like my mother? I want to have kids, a wife, a family. I can't do any of that if I'm 6 feet under.

I wasn't originally from Louisiana, but I visited a lot with my grandma since she was from Shreveport. I'm mixed with both black and Native American. My mom was mixed with Native American and black while my dad was just black. I loved my parents dearly don't get me wrong, but everything they did to me caused me to deal with what I deal with.

Krystal has been the best thing to come in my life in a while. She doesn't know it and I don't know if she'll ever know. I'll be great even if I was just her friend. Krystal has something about her past as well, I can see it. If learning about my past is so important, I guess me learning about her past is just as important.

Elijah

It's been a complete week without my love. I don't even know where she is or went. She isn't at home because I go there every day hoping and praying she'll be there. I just need 5 minutes to talk to her.

Yes, I cheated on her again and I'm sorry it happened. I don't even remember how it even started to be honest. The baby? I didn't even know she was pregnant. I was going to tell Krystal I swear I was. When? I can't tell you, but I was planning to. She kept that promise she made to me and herself.

"It's okay just never do it again or you'll never see or speak to me again."

I see her almost every day though. She's so petty for that. She knows exactly how I act. I might've broken her heart and I'm sorry I did. I didn't mean to. I broke it twice and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm tearing myself up about this.

She comes to work every day with a smile I can't tell is fake or real. I would hope it wasn't so I can see that the feelings are still there. If it's real that means I've lost her forever and I would hate to ever see that day. I imagined myself bending down on one knee in front of everyone and seeing her walking down the isle meeting me at the end. Seeing us kiss as a married couple.

At this point, I have a whole lot of work I have to do to even get back close to that. First step, get her to talk to me, I sighed out loud at that thought.

She's the love of my life and I don't know how I can ever show her that if she won't even turn my direction. I love every single thing about her. Being with her the past few months, officially, have been something I've cherished. And I don't just want it to end now. I haven't even done half of the things I want to with her. I want to take her out and explore some different countries and places. 

I will do anything to get what's rightfully mine back. No matter how long I have to fight or wait to get her back, I will and there's no doubt about it. I love her and I know she loves me.

I know she does. She does right?