Destined // zjm

five

I woke up at four in the morning, mostly because I slept earlier than I used to. It was still a bit dark outside and I could see dew drops on the leaves of ivy vine that climbed halfway up the brick wall. I switched the bedside lamp on and stretched my arms, rubbing the sleep off my eyes.

Yawning, I then paced to the bathroom still feeling tired enough to jump back to my comfortable bed but I didn't. Taking the toothbrush from the stand I squeezed some toothpaste on it and started to brush my teeth vigorously. Yesterday has been way too tiring, they were supposed to call in the evening but they didn't and that somehow made me cause a magnificent frown on my face. I just didn't know what I will say to my mother about this. I spat in the sink and then keeping the toothbrush back in the stand I washed my face and sighing heavily stepped out of the bathroom.

I tucked the bed sheet neatly to the headboard and then sat down on the corner of my bed. My eyes looked for my phone only to find it on the nightstand. I remember sleeping with it in my hand but I decided not to bother about it because apparently, I have many things to bother about right now. An exasperated sigh escaped my lips as I stood up to retrieve it from the nightstand.

There were no missed calls, just a few messages from my mother asking me about my interview and reminding me about her hectic schedule, yet again. I straightaway ignored her questions about the interview and thought to call her because it wouldn't be too late in Chicago right now but at the same time I didn't want her to pester me with questions about the interview and the reason I was awake at such an odd hour so I dramatically dropped my phone on the bed.

It was so early in the morning and I didn't know what I was going to do, maybe read something. I stood up to grab a book from the mini book shelf with way too many books, mainly novels and other books of poems arranged there in proper order. Picking up a book, 'Sonnets form Portuguese' by Elizabeth Barrett Browning which consisted of forty-four love sonnets in total. I paced back to my bed and jumped onto it, crossing my legs Indian style.

Turning the pages I picked up my favourite one, 'If thou must love me' the fourteenth sonnet. Since, childhood I have had always interest in poems more than any other form of literature. They are short but yet so meaningful and captivating, the poet can hold you in thrall just within a minute and within a few lines of the poem and then its up to you how you decipher it. They are probably the most beautiful and pure form of literature and a literary blessing to me.

I took the book into my hands as I slowly turned the yellowish-brown pages, slightly worn out at the corners. The book belonged to my mother and basically she was the reason behind my love for literature. Taking out the one, I started reading it, gradually getting absorbed into it. My fingers traced the words of the last line of the poem as I slowly read it.

"But love me for love's sake, that evermore

Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity."

Love doesn't need a reason and if it did then like everything, it wouldn't last long as those transitory reasons might fade away with time and undo the feeling of love. Love someone for the sake of love only because with the passage of time things will change, appearances will change and people will change. Nothing lasts forever and the mortality of humans is what that makes them humans otherwise they could have been angels from heaven. Everything has an end, be it beauty or be it any other superficial quality, but the heart it remains the same throughout. Don't crave for things that change, crave for the love and win their heart. And love them just because you love them, no reasons and no demands and it'll last, forever.

I was brought back to reality by someone ringing the door bell constantly. I glanced at the wall clock and it ticked at four-fourty. What an odd time to visit. A frown formed on my face as I placed the book on the bed side table and slowly padded to the living room.

Before reaching out for the door handle I thought to have a look of the person from the peep hole. Ella. I thought she had returned already, she told me she would be late but I didn't have an idea that she would be out all night long. She had her pair of key too but that didn't bother me much because I already was wide awake. I let the door open and saw Ella leaning on the door frame as she gave me a tedious smile.

"Where have you been? " I smiled back at her as I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Remember I told you about me signing with some company through an agent?" She carelessly kicked her heels and threw her jacket on the couch as she plopped on the couch and I wanted to scrunch my nose at her recklessness but I just nodded. "It got cancelled." Her voice suddenly was extremely low and despondent as she stared blankly at her hands. "The agent said that they asked for a huge amount of money I couldn't afford as the outfits were way too expensive." A loud sigh escaped her lips as she let a hand through her pink hair in frustration.

"Isn't a company itself is supposed to look after its expenditure?" I took a seat right next to her on the couch and stroked her back trying to calm her.

"I don't know... " She trailed in a low, deep voice slightly breaking at the end. " I think I just need some rest." She got up from the couch and giving me a half hearted smile, started walking towards her room.

"Take care." I said behind her, trying not to sound much sympathetic because many people don't take that shit.

"Thanks, Eve." She said, her back still facing me as she disappeared into her room. I sighed and neatly folded her jacket. Placing it back on the couch, my gaze went to the digital wall clock in the living room which displayed five-one. Time seems to pass slowly when you have nothing to do.

My stomach grumbled and that was my cue to get it some food. I paced to the kitchen and took out bacon and some eggs from the cabinet. I wondered whether Ella had anything or not but she probably is sleeping and I didn't want to wake her up after what happened with her. She just needed some rest and time to place things in perfect order.

I hummed to a song I listened on the radio yesterday as I cooked myself breakfast. It didn't take much time to prepare it and soon it was ready. I placed my plate on the small dining table in the kitchen and started to quietly chew on the bacon as I tried to untangle the mess that was made inside my head.

-x-

I clearly have messed up everything. I just realized I've written a few chapters in present tense and a few in past tense. I'm so done, jeez. I almost forgot how it all went mainly because I update so late. I'm so sorry, everyone. I'll take out some time to edit the fanfiction. Thank you for reading.

-Scarlett