azul es el color más cálido.

In loving memory.

I remember that loving you hurted, it was this type of love that consumes you and leave you crashing into ashes, it was this type of love that get in your bones for good or for worse. I still keep the things that reminded me of you, that's because you never left my side in the first place, even though we were far apart for many years and been through a lot, some things remain unwounded, like this. It feels like nothing has changed a lot since I found you again, I had forgotten how it felt to have you close to me again, I remember wishing every year that If by any chance the universe could pull us together one more time or if I got the chance to reencounter you, I would not take it for granted.

And now you're here, like you were 8 years ago when we were just stupid kids that didn't know what to do with so much...Now we're both two adults who have build a life separate from each other, we moved on, continued living and creating our future, but there was a part that was missing in all of this: the remaining parts of each other who were took apart a long time ago and haven't been the same ever since.

How can I tell you that I'm kinda starting to feel like myself again, and it's an overwhelming feeling that I cannot explain....We still carry a lot upon our shoulders and I know that deep down we're both afraid of everything, of love, of life, of the truth, we're afraid that the story repeats its cycle once again and we both end up broken one more time... And I'm not prepared for that. This time I'm less naive and have build my guard up with certain things that keeps my heart save, but I cannot hide from you. Will you also be able to let me in some day? To really get to know you? Because I've loved you for more time than what I actually can remember and I feel like you never really trusted me enough to let me be a part of your life. I know the scars that you have and how you have overcome difficult situations on your own, building walls no one could climb, and burrying yourself in your victorian mind. Meanwhile I'm here, open hearted, willing to let you hold the knife that can kill me If I could get only one piece of your world, but you won't let that happen, you're too afraid of everything, of rejection, of being hurt or to hurt.

And I can only think to myself, don't you realize that I fucking love you? And I don't want to ... Sometimes I think that you didn't deserved it, and I used to think that way back then so I could forget you easily or hate you instead, but then again, I can't just stop loving you like that, I think I always will, I made you a promise many years ago and the things I said when I was this stupid broken kid in love, they're still the same like the first day, nothing has ever changed, and when I said I will always be there for you and that I will never forget you, I really meant it.

And though maybe our days come to an end some day, I want you to know that I love you so, and If this is real darling just, close your eyes, and feel the moment when we knew that we were meant to belong with each other. Life could be beautiful if we want to, because I never stopped believing in us, even when everything felt like falling apart, when I thought I'd never see you again I still had hope, cause when you want something so much, so hard, eventually, life will find a way to put it in your way, and If you're lucky enough to have it, then you must never let it go.

I'll never stop looking for you, even if remain calm or live my life, there will always be another plate in the table with your name, waiting for you to come. You made me feel alive, like a real person. I don't mind being just your friend until we're brave enough to take action for what we truly want, until you're not afraid anymore... It doesn't matter what we are or were we are, I will always, truly and sincerely love you, but life it's too short and we should not take anything for granted, we deserve to be happy and do things even if they are crazy ones. I hope one day we are brave enough to do what our heart is begging for, so that could be the start of a new catharsis, a total chaos, or the best thing that could ever happen to us.

Here I sign this letter with this words: I know you're a part of me that I'm not sure If I'll ever be able to let go, but I love you so that I'm willing to lose you one more time if that's what you truly need. But if by any instance, you want the same thing as I do, and you know this is real, darling...my heart is yours and I'll be willing to take care of yours if you let me in.