Hours

13- Wednesday, May 16th

12:21 PM

"Are you sure?" Micheal asks for about the tenth time, walking behind me as we enter the cafeteria.

"Micheal I'm not going to invite you to eat lunch with me only to change my mind," I reassure him.

"I know, it's just..." He trails off, and I turn to face him, standing awkwardly in the lunch line.

"What?" I ask softly

"This isn't going to go well for me, Kayla." He says finally. "It's not going to go well for me either. You know they don't like me. Eating lunch with them isn't going to help."

"And what's the alternative?" I ask him, trying to catch his eye. "Get cornered by Andy and Alisa again? Skip second block again?" Micheal looks up at me finally, surprised. "I know what happened yesterday. I don't want that to happen again." I say matter-of-factly, grabbing my lunch tray and waiting for him to grab his.

"How...?" Micheal is still staring at me, a sort of wonder on his face.

I shrug, looking for the right words. "Micheal... I'm not blind. I... I know that somethings going on with you three and I know that it's wrong. Yesterday, you hid your face and walked away, but it wouldn't take a genius to figure out who gave you that bruise." I point to the pale spot on his face where he's covered it up with some concealer or something. "Please. Just this once."

Micheal hesitates, "Okay..." He looks as if he's just signed a contract with the devil. I smile at him, trying to look reassuring.

"Well then..." I say, turning toward the cafeteria again. "Let's go." I close my eyes and take a deep breath, hyping myself up for what I'm sure is going to be hellfire. I lead the way, heading over to my usual table. Thankfully my seat- and the seat beside it- are empty, meaning that a. They haven't fully kicked me out and b. Micheal has a place to sit and c. That place is beside me. I push my shoulders back and drop my tray on the table with a clatter. Micheal does the same after a minute, only quieter.

"Hey," I say casually as I sit down. Micheal hesitates again but sits down a moment after me. "This is Micheal. You already know, but I'm working with him during English, so I thought he could have lunch with us."

Ashley and Lindsay's heads have both snapped up to stare at me, Ashley in surprise, Lindsay with a glare.

"Hi..." Ashley says quietly, looking at her lunch. Lindsay says nothing.

I look at Micheal, then back at the girls. The table is quiet, awkward. I look down at my tray, the dirty brown dark in places where it's still wet from... something, my paper plate with the messy sandwich on it. I look away, no longer hungry. No one else is eating, either.

"What did you get?" I ask Micheal quietly.

"Can I... Can I talk to you?" Lindsays says suddenly. I blink at her, then lean back in my chair, crossing my arms.

"Yeah," I say, as though it's obvious. "Always."

"Alone?" She says, and I can see her trying not to snap. I look around the table.

"Why?" I ask innocently, trying to ignore my pounding heart.

"Listen here-" Lindsay starts, but Ashley interrupts her, to our surprise.

"Kayla..." She says hesitantly, and I can see the hurt in her eyes. I turn away, not wanting to cave.

"It's okay," Micheal says abruptly, causing all of our heads to swing towards him. "I can go." He starts to stand, but I grab his arm.

"Let's talk, Lindsay," I say, not looking at her. "Whatever is on your mind, just say it."

"You want me to just say it?" She asks, and I wince at the malice in her voice. "Fine. I will."

"Lindsay..." Ashley starts, but Lindsays already made up her mind.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Kayla? What the hell is going on? Last week it was all fine, we're all friends, but this week you don't give a crap! We were trying to make plans on Monday, you were in another universe, and yesterday you didn't even drop by your locker. Scratch that, you walked right past your locker and right past us! I saw you, you know! And now, you're... You're bringing him to sit with us like everything is fine? Everything is not fine, genius. He's not one of us. And I'm starting to doubt you are, too." Lindsay relaxes, looking slightly shocked at herself but mostly... mostly she looks proud.

Anger boils inside me. I clench my jaw, trying to keep back the oncoming retort, but nothing could stop this tidal wave.

"What the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you! I'm allowed to have different friends, am I not? Or no, am I just bound into a lifetime of servitude to you, Your Highness? I cannot believe you! What does 'one of us' even mean? 'One of the lucky ones'? 'One of the popular ones'? If that's what that means then I'm pretty sure I don't want to be 'one of you'." I glare at Lindsay, but she isn't finished.

"Then don't! What the hell are you still doing here?" She hisses, and I stand, grabbing my bag from the ground as I do.

"Have it your way, bitch." I snarl, leaving them all behind.

"Feel free to die!" Lindsay says, standing up to shout it to my back. I swivel, the words leaving my mouth before I can stop them, voice cracking to my dismay.

"Maybe I will!"

But my heart's not in it. As I leave the cafeteria, I can feel tears threaten to spill out from my eyes. I shove my way into the library, clomping down to the basement. I grab a book off of the shelves as I storm past at random, heading for a section of comfy chairs and sitting in one heavily. I look at the book I grabbed and scoff.

The Truth by Neil Strauss

I open it to a page at random and pretend to read, but I keep swiping at my eyes and looking around, but I see no one.

Micheal sits down beside me after a minute.

"Where did you come from?" I ask, sniffing because my voice sounds so watery and weak.

"What, did you think I was going to hang out with those two for the remainder of lunch?" He smiles ruefully.

"I'm sorry." I apologize honestly, trying not to think of the hole I just dug myself into. "If I hadn't invited you to lunch..."

"You'd still be there." He finishes my sentence for me. "Don't blame yourself. If you cared enough about those two, you wouldn't have even walked away." He says quietly. "Besides, it's kind of touching that you stood up for me." He adds hurriedly, "In a sense."

"You didn't have to follow me." I wipe again at my eyes, not looking at Micheal.

"I know." He says. And that, in and of itself, is enough.

It's more than enough.

"What are you reading?" He asks me, making a subject change that I'm more than grateful for.

"I... honestly have no clue," I say, showing him the cover. "I grabbed it off of a shelf as I walked past." I laugh, and that makes him laugh. People look at us and send us dirty looks, but I don't care, because we're laughing and I've never felt so light. We're in a library and we're laughing and we're breaking the rules and I love it. I love the way it feels to break the rules, and I love the burden I've freed myself from just by doing it. I love it, I love it, I love it.